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Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 1
Watching a particular sport is a famous activity in many countries. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether the overall effect of spending one’s free time to watching sport is a waste of their leisure time or not. While there are some valid arguments to the contrary, I personally agree with the watching sport is a waste of our spare time. In the following essay, I will write the reason. First of all, watching sport is a kind of method which releases one’s stress easily and builds a more close relationship between family members. These days, people tend to stress easily due to the social aspects including traffic congestion, air pollution, and workload and so on. In this case, watching sport might help to reduce stress and increase the family bond. However, doing physical activities in one’s spare time would build a healthier body instead of just watching a particular sport. If people do an exercise which related to their health problems, it will huge benefits for their body. For example, recently, I read an article about Charles Matkin who is a famous yoga teacher in America and I found out that she never watches sport in her free time, instead of that she do yoga due to her backache and arthritis. As a result of this, not only her pains were mitigated but also she became a healthy lifestyle. All in all, although watching sport in one’s spare time might mitigate their stress easily and enhance a family relationship, it would not help a healthier body in the long run.
Watching a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
activity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Yet
, there remains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreement
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
overall
effect of spending one’s free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a waste of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or not. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments to the contrary, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a waste of our spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In the following essay, I will write the reason.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a kind of method which releases one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
easily
and builds a more close relationship between family members. These days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
easily
due to the social aspects including traffic congestion, air pollution, and workload and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In this case
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and increase the family bond.

However
, doing physical activities in one’s spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would build a healthier body
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
watching a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do an exercise which related to their health problems, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will huge
benefits for their body.
For example
, recently, I read an article about Charles
Possible spelling mistake found.
Matkin
who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
yoga teacher in America and I found out that she never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in her free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
instead
of that she do yoga due to her backache and arthritis.
As a result
of this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
her pains
were mitigated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
she became a healthy lifestyle.

All in all, although watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in one’s spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might mitigate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
easily
and enhance a family relationship, it would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a healthier body in the long run.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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