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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v.6

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6
One of the most conspicuous trends in today's world is celebrities. Some people believe that celebs earn more income compared to politicians. On the other hand, others argue that politicians should earn more compared to any others. As such, there is a deluge of arguments to support that actors can attain both name and fame in a short period of time and this essay will explain this trend is detail. Firstly, film stars have a huge fan base, where artists entertain people and they gain huge popularity in less time; however, due to their influence on people big brands sign big contracts to endorse their company products to increase sales in a short period of time. For example, Indian cricketer Virat Kohli has good brand value and acts as brand ambassador and in return claims big financial package. Needless to say, entertainment sector like cinemas and sports have a huge fan base and this popularity is why politicians are far behind in revenue generation. Secondly, another pivotal aspect is that some politicians earn illegal income which is stored in foreign bank accounts as black money for their own benefit. Moreover, government administrators manipulate the schemed and deviates million of money into their pockets as black money. For instance, a recent Google search displays Jagan Mohan Reddy is the corrupt king in Andhra Pradesh by claiming properties almost 100 billion illegal investments. Hence, celebrities income benefits the nation at the same time politicians loot the country. In conclusion, one can clearly understand off the records, social administers generate more money compared to celebrities. Finally, the role of politics is too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is celebrities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that celebs earn more income compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
.
On the other hand
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
should earn more compared to any others. As such, there is a deluge of arguments to support that actors can attain both name and fame in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this trend is detail.

Firstly
, film stars have a huge fan base, where artists entertain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they gain huge popularity in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
;
however
, due to their influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contracts to endorse their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
products to increase sales in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, Indian cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
brand value and acts as brand ambassador and in return claims
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
financial package. Needless to say, entertainment sector like cinemas and sports have a huge fan base and this popularity is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
are far behind in revenue generation.

Secondly
, another pivotal aspect is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
earn illegal income which
is stored
in foreign bank accounts as black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
administrators manipulate the schemed and deviates
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into their pockets as black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
, a recent Google search displays
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jagan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohan
Reddy is the corrupt king in Andhra Pradesh by claiming properties almost 100 billion illegal investments.
Hence
, celebrities income benefits the nation at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
politicians
loot the country.

In conclusion
, one can
clearly
understand off the records, social administers generate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
compared to celebrities.
Finally
, the role of politics is too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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