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Question 4 Integrated academic-related task. Explain how the two examples discussed by the professor illustrate differences in the ways people explain behavior. v.1

Question 4 Integrated academic-related task. Explain how the two examples discussed by the professor illustrate differences in the ways people explain behavior. v. 1
Thanks to the advent of advanced household appliances, many women can now take care of their family and work. This certainly benefits the family because the additional income improves the economic status of the household. However, in my opinion, working women have to struggle a lot and make many sacrifices. While I don’t think that the disadvantages of working outweigh the advantages, in my opinion, it is important for working women to have a helping hand at home. When women work, the family is the biggest winner. The additional income will improve their living standards. Needless to say, families where both parents work can afford to buy a home and a car. They can also send their children to good schools and ensure that they have a bright future. Obviously, there are many benefits when women work. On the flip side, women who work have to struggle hard to perform all of the tasks assigned to them. Unlike men who only have to earn a living, a working woman has to take care of family responsibilities as well. For example, she has to cook, clean and wash. She has to feed the children and help them with the homework. She also has to take care of her husband. While it is true that washing machines and refrigerators have made household jobs easier, they still take a lot of time to be done. Consequently a woman who works has little time for herself. Her day starts early and she can’t get any rest until everyone else in the family has gone to bed. Unfortunately, the additional burden takes a toll on her health and happiness. To conclude, there is no doubt that the economic status of a family improves when women work. However, juggling a home and career is not easy for a woman and the additional responsibility affects her health and happiness. It is, therefore, imperative that she receives the utmost support of her spouse in handling household responsibilities.
Thanks to the advent of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
appliances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
certainly
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economic status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle a lot and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices. While I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
outweigh the advantages, in my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to have a helping hand at home.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the biggest winner. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
income will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standards. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where both parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a home and a car. They can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schools and ensure that they have a bright future.
Obviously
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
work.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to perform
Consider using "all the".
all of the
tasks assigned to them. Unlike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn a living, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibilities
as well
.
For example
, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
cook, clean and wash. She
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
feed the children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with the homework. She
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care of her husband. While it is true that washing machines and refrigerators have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
jobs easier, they
still
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to
be done
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
a woman who works has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for herself. Her day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
early and
she can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any rest until everyone else in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has gone to bed. Unfortunately, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
burden takes a toll on her health and happiness.

To conclude
, there is no doubt that the economic status of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, juggling a home and career is not easy for a woman and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
additional
responsibility affects her health and happiness. It is,
therefore
, imperative that she receives the utmost support of her spouse in handling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
responsibilities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question 4 Integrated academic-related task. Explain how the two examples discussed by the professor illustrate differences in the ways people explain behavior. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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