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Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. v. 1
In the modern era, most young people take the important position in the authority. Some People believe that is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. I will explain my views along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are many benefits of young people hold the virtual occupation in the government. The first and the foremost is today's young are more creative and they take a right decision with modern views. So, it is very profitable for the new generation because young look the problems in a modern way and its effects are falling in an effective way. In addition to this, youngsters have more knowledge about new technology. So, they can help to develop our country in a new way. For instance, in recent days, number of young people take the virtual position in the government as well as they take decision on the positive way. On the other hand, some people believe that young people is not appropriate for track position in the government. Firstly, young people do not face more experiences in their life. So, when they take a decisions they can make some mistakes which is effeciting the life of the other people. Moreover, youngsters thought in a modern way which is do not like by elderly people and they face any difficulties in their work. To conclude, in some situation young people take better decision and in some situation elder people take right decision. So, in my opinion, both are able to take decision in their own way.
In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
position in the authority.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe
that is
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the virtual occupation in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The
first
and the foremost
You should probably use "am", "are", "aren".
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
are more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
creative and
they take a right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
views.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
profitable for the new generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
look the problems in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way and its effects are falling
Consider replacing "in an effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective way
.
In addition
to this, youngsters have more knowledge about new technology.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop our country
Consider replacing "in a new way" with the adverb for "new"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a new way
.
For instance
, in recent days, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the virtual position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
as they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not appropriate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not face more experiences in their life.
“So , when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, when
they take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes which is
Possible spelling mistake found.
effeciting
the life of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way which is
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not like by elderly
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they face any difficulties in their work.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion, both are able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays more and more young people hold the important position in the government. Some people think that it is a good thing, while others argue that it is not suitable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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