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some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? v.4

some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? v. 4
Recently, opinions are divided as to whether physical exercise should be a compulsory subject of every school day or it should be abandoned for academic studies. From my point of view, I side with the first idea for some reasons as follows. First and foremost, doing physical exercise is extremely helpful to students' health. Sport has long been considered a vital role in maintaining physical health and preventing countless diseases such as obesity and diabetes. Therefore, doing exercise everyday may help students avoid health problems. Secondly, moderate physical exercise can make pupils learn more effectively and efficiently. There are numbers of researches indicating that exercise can improve students' memory and ability. Also, taking up sports temporarily remove their attention, thus, high stress level in study will be reduced. Opponents may argue that students are able to take up exercise at home, which is more convenient and in more personalized condition. This assertion, however, neglects the probability that they can be very busy with their homework and housework. Therefore, doing physical exercise during school time will assure that all students recieve that same amount of time spent for this subject. In summary, it cannot be denied that physical exercise does good to students in nummerous aspects. Thus, it should be required at school without reservation.
Recently, opinions
are divided
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
should be a compulsory subject of every school day or it should
be abandoned
for academic studies. From my point of view, I side with the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons as follows.

First
and foremost, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
extremely
helpful to
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; health. Sport has long
been considered
a vital role in maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health and preventing countless diseases such as obesity and diabetes.
Therefore
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
everyday may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
avoid health problems.

Secondly
, moderate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pupils learn more
effectively
and
efficiently
. There are numbers of researches indicating that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; memory and ability.
Also
, taking up sports
temporarily
remove their attention,
thus
, high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level in study will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Opponents may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at home, which is more convenient and in more personalized condition. This assertion,
however
, neglects the probability that they can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their homework and housework.
Therefore
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
during school time will assure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieve
that same amount of time spent for this subject.

In summary, it cannot
be denied
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
nummerous
aspects.
Thus
, it should
be required
at school without reservation.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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