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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

It is argued that children in the age of schooling should place more emphasis on learning the history of the place where they live than the global history. While I agree that finding the local history will help them gain more knowledge of their origin, I believe that there are some benefits of accessing the world history. On the one hand, it is true that teaching children understanding of the local history helps them promote a sense of patriotism. In fact, the whole Vietnamese had suffered numerous strauma during the war against Western enemies, just because thousands of Vietnam heroes sacrificed their live to protect the independence and freedom. Therefore, they have to a duty to increase the nationalism in the preservation of the peace that they are enjoying. Furthermore, nowadays more young people are reluctant to studying history compared to epochal significance. This means that the value of historical events will be put aside to some extent and gradually sink into oblivion, hence it is vital that children should learn the past of ancestors and predecessors. On the other hand, studying history in the world brings numerous benefits to young learners. Firstly, obtaining knowledge from the world enhances our horizons of the civilization and developments of humans. During the globalization, more children are likely to access international education, so they face misunderstanding and backwardness when moving to a new country if they fail to recognize the importance of human history. In addition, attaining cultural literacy on a world scale is another advantage. Human beings, unlike other species, have the gift of language, that is, symbolic thinking and communication, so communicating intelligently in any language, requires that we share a common fund of knowledge, information, vocabulary, and conceptual tools to become global citizens. In conclusion, I hold my firm belief that by learning history at a local and international level in educational system, future generations will get deeper insights into the past human dignity.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the age of schooling should place more emphasis on learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the place where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
than the global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that finding the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain more knowledge of their origin, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of accessing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
history.

On the one hand, it is true that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understanding of the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them promote a sense of patriotism. In fact, the whole Vietnamese had suffered numerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
strauma
during the war against Western enemies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
thousands of Vietnam heroes sacrificed their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
to protect the independence and freedom.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
a duty to increase the nationalism in the preservation of the peace that they are enjoying.
Furthermore
, nowadays more young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are reluctant to studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
compared to epochal significance. This means that the value of historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
will
be put
aside to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and
gradually
sink into oblivion,
hence
it is vital that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn the past of ancestors and predecessors.

On the other hand
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
brings numerous benefits to young learners.
Firstly
, obtaining knowledge from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
enhances our horizons of the civilization and developments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. During the globalization, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to access international education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they face misunderstanding and backwardness when moving to a new country if they fail to recognize the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
In addition
, attaining cultural literacy on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
scale is another advantage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Human
beings, unlike other species, have the gift of language,
that is
, symbolic thinking and communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
communicating
intelligently
in any language, requires that we share a common fund of knowledge, information, vocabulary, and conceptual tools to become global citizens.

In conclusion
, I hold my firm belief that by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
at a local and international level in educational system, future generations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deeper insights into the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
dignity.
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IELTS essay It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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