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Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 1
Some people believe that government should impose restriction on the level of noise, whereas others argue that they have freedom to make noise as they like. This essay will analyze both sides of the matter before my point of view is drawn at the end. On the one hand, individuals like to make noise as much as they want because of some various reasons. Firstly, many people consider producing noise as the recreational activities. For example, turning the volume louder to sing the favorite songs that seems to be a best way to feel relax and reduce stress for employees. Secondly, some people often consider noise as a part of industrialization and modernization process. In fact, nowadays, urban citizen seems to become more familiar to noise from the traffic, construction and so on. As a result, there is no particular reasons to control noise. On the other hand, there are several reasons why government should impose some laws to restrict noise. First of all, too much noise has negative affects on human’s health. For example, my friends told me that they could not sleep well at night because they live nearby the industrial zones. If the situation lasts for a long time, it will lead to a deterioration in the mental and physical health. Moreover, the productivity of working go down as a consequence of noise. For instance, students will not able to concentrate on preparations for the exam if their neighbors keep singing too loud. In conclusion, it seems to me that there should be some restrictions on producing noise despite the undeniable advantages of being freely to make noise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose restriction on the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, whereas others argue that they have freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they like. This essay will analyze both sides of the matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my point of view
is drawn
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, individuals like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as much as they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
various reasons.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as the recreational activities.
For example
, turning the volume louder to sing the favorite songs that seems to be
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to feel relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
for employees.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as a part of industrialization and modernization process. In fact, nowadays, urban citizen seems to become more familiar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from the traffic, construction and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
As a result
, there is no particular reasons to control noise.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
affects on human’s health.
For example
, my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that they could not sleep well at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby the industrial zones. If the situation lasts for a long time, it will lead to a deterioration in the mental and physical health.
Moreover
, the productivity of working go down as a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
For instance
, students will not able to concentrate on preparations for the exam if their neighbors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
singing too loud.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that there should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions on producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
despite the undeniable advantages of being
freely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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