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Some people think that there are benefits in going to private secondary schools. Others feel that private schools can have negative effects on the society. Discuss both the view and give your opinion? v.2

Some people think that there are benefits in going to private secondary schools. Others feel that private schools can have negative effects on the society. v. 2
Some individuals consider that studying in private secondary schools is beneficial while others believe that this type of school can have a negative impact on the society. This essay will show as a good side as well as a bad side of private schools. As the number of population is increasing, many state educational places cannot cope with the majority number of students. As a result, one class consists of more than thirty pupils and teachers are not able to pay attention individually for 40 minutes. Consequently, because of full class children do not get proper, good knowledge. Therefore, some parents choose private schools, so the conditions are much better than state schools. First of all, there are a few students in the class what provides a good attention from the tutors and individual approach to the pupils. Secondly, many private schools do not put a pressure on a student or do not demand a uniform, they feel more liberated and comfortable. Thus, it makes us clear why expensive schools have advantages. However, not many families can afford to give their children to private schools. They cost a lot of money. Moreover, the children who are used to being in comfort, can face with some social issues after finishing the school. Because secondary and higher educational system is different from each other. In institutions, tutors do not patronize. Another drawback of studying in an expensive school is the children of rich families become spoilt, arrogant and can influence on children from ordinary families. The children from simple backgrounds will feel uncomfortable, which leads to a feeling of inferiority. Therefore, going to private schools is not good. In conclusion, it seems better for some students to pay money for the secondary education than to be a student in the government school. Private schools have many advantages if it is affordable for parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals consider that studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is beneficial while others believe that this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side
as well
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
schools.

As the number of population is increasing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
state educational places cannot cope with the majority number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
consists of more than thirty pupils and teachers are not able to pay attention
individually
for 40 minutes.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the conditions are much better than state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
what provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attention from the tutors and individual approach to the pupils.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not put a pressure on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
or do not demand a uniform, they feel more liberated and comfortable.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have advantages.

However
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families can afford to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. They cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to being in comfort, can face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social issues after finishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
secondary and higher educational system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other. In institutions, tutors do not patronize. Another drawback of studying in an expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of rich families become
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
, arrogant and can influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from ordinary families. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from simple backgrounds will feel uncomfortable, which leads to a feeling of inferiority.
Therefore
, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In conclusion
, it seems better for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pay money for the secondary education than to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages if it is affordable for parents.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that there are benefits in going to private secondary schools. Others feel that private schools can have negative effects on the society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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