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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions. v.5

Life is going through different stages like childhood, adulthood and retirement. People are facing happiness and sorrows along with this and learn so many things throughout their life. Some people are of the opinion that most of the time joy can be seen between the age of 14-19 group and others believe that it comes after this age. I will discuss both views in the forthcoming paragraphs and will give my own opinion. To commence with, an adolescent phase of life is free from social hurdles and it is providing deep relaxation to the mind. Teenagers are supported financially and emotionally by their parents therefore, they do not need to think when they buying anything because their parents give them money for their expenses. For instance, parents are responsible for their children’s expenses related to study, games and clothes. Juvenile living their life without any tension and they are getting everything whatever they want from their parents. As a result, youthful are surviving with full contentment without any stress in life. Furthermore, adulthood life is completely filled with the responsibilities of family. A vast majority of people get independent at this stage and have the ability to do those things which give them pleasure. For example, individuals buy a house, get married, have children and purchase their dream objects, all these factors give them real happiness. However, a person feels a lot of pressure because of their social life as some people compare their living standard with others. In conclusion, although mature people are having more satisfaction in their life, they have lots of duties on their shoulder as well. Young are dependent on others if they need anything that is why they get disturbed because of it. Hence, I believe that adult life gives more cheerfulness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is going through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages like childhood, adulthood and retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are facing happiness and sorrows along with this and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that most of the time joy can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
between the age of 14-19 group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
after this age. I will discuss both views in the forthcoming paragraphs and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

To commence with, an adolescent phase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is free from social
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hurdles and
it is providing deep relaxation to the mind.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are supported
financially
and
emotionally
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
therefore
, they do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when
A verb seems to be missing. Did you mean “they’re buying”, “they are buying”, or “they were buying”?
they buying
anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them money for their expenses.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for their children’s expenses related to study, games and clothes. Juvenile living their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without any
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tension and
they are getting everything whatever they want from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, youthful are surviving with full contentment without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in life.

Furthermore
, adulthood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is completely filled with the responsibilities of family. A vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
independent at this stage and have the ability to do those things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them pleasure.
For example
, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, have children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their dream objects, all these factors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
them real happiness.
However
, a person feels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compare their living standard with others.

In conclusion
, although mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having more satisfaction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they have lots of duties on their shoulder
as well
. Young are dependent on others if they need anything
that is
why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it.
Hence
, I believe that adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
more cheerfulness.
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If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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