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Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 1
At some point, it is no-brainer that people can enjoy more happiness at a young age rather than when they had become older. The complete opposite view also has good points to stand, even with growing responsibilities that adults should bare. I think the opposite view couldn’t be more true. The best evidence to the youth side of the argument is children’s access to freedom. Thinking outside the box is an ability that most adults have to learn and practice, yet for young generations they have it by nature. Without the strained obligations and rules one has to learn during the adultholds, those teenagers simply can enjoy more in life. For example, a mother looks at the window in her house thinking, “It’s time to clean the window. ”, a 16 years girl would look at the same window and thinking, “What a wonderful day today! ”. That’s clear that the girl knows how to be happy. For adults, they have learned how to avoid on the things that had made them unhappy in the past to ever happen again. Therefore, by cutting out the misfortunes, those grownups can live in a happier life than they couldn’t have lived otherwise. I’ve seen in TV many times that a child had broken his bones by being audacious when playing sports. However, I don’t see that happened to an adult who had broken his bones by playing sports carelessly, or didn’t wear pads. Thus, I do believe adults can actually enjoy freedom in a better way compare to teenagers. In conclusion, in comparing the two different age groups, the first group enjoys more happiness by having more freedom, while the opposite group enjoys more by eliminating the misfortunes they have learned. I believe those who master the process of elimination can harvest the most thrils and smiles in life.
At
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point, it is no-brainer that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
more happiness at a young age
rather
than when they had become older. The complete opposite view
also
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
points to stand, even with growing responsibilities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
bare
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite view couldn’t be more true.

The best evidence to the youth side of the argument is children’s access to freedom. Thinking outside the box is an ability that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn and practice,
yet
for young generations they have it by nature. Without the strained obligations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
learn during the
Possible spelling mistake found.
adultholds
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
simply
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
more in life.
For example
, a mother looks at the window in her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
thinking, “It’s time to clean the window. ”, a 16 years girl would look at the same window and thinking, “What a wonderful day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
! ”. That’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the girl knows how to be happy.

For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, they have learned how to avoid on the things that had made them unhappy in the past to ever happen again.
Therefore
, by cutting out the misfortunes, those grownups can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a happier life than they couldn’t have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
otherwise
. I’ve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times that a child had broken his bones by being audacious when playing sports.
However
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that happened to an adult who had broken his bones by playing sports
carelessly
, or didn’t wear pads.
Thus
, I do believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
freedom in a better way compare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In conclusion
, in comparing the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups, the
first
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
more happiness by having more freedom, while the opposite group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoys
more by eliminating the misfortunes they have learned. I believe those who master the process of elimination can harvest the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
thrils
and smiles in life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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