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Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up v.2

Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up v. 2
There are several roles for parents to play. Among those, two are considered as the main role for parents, which are the discipline and nurture. While parents discipline children to teach them about justice, ethics and moral, nurturing provide children a comfortable environment feeling safe. In this essay will discuss the both aspects of role of parents before reaching a reasonable conclusion. Parents have many responsibilities to guide their children into a right path. Some are involving of educational roles whereas other roles may involve of caring roles. On top of this, the primary roles are the discipline and nurturing roles. Parents must discipline their children. Otherwise children become uncontrollable. For example, since children are immature, most of their acts are derived from emotions. By doing that criminal, violent and emotional actions are inevitable. Therefore, it is important for parents to control those acts so that children can be a part of society as a society member. From discipline children, they would be able to learn about justice, morality and ethics to play in society. However, it is also important to provide a secure environment to children by nurturing them. Since children are young and weak to be independent, the parental barrier is required. Under this boundary, children can feel comfortable and learn various skills such as hierarchy of society, the role as a family member as well as build up the personality before they face the reality. As a result of this, children can be a society member. In my opinion, both aspects are equally important. While boundaries provide feeling of security and a great way to build a confident, discipline can teach children about the consequences of wrong doing, just like society. In reality, there are consequences to be dealt with when people did not follow the rules. A family can be seen as a small society where children can practice various skills before they become a society member. In conclusion, parents have many roles to be responsible of. While they have to punish children for wrong doing, they have to provide a safe barrier at the same time. Both roles can be seen as the primary roles for parents, because those are required primarily for children in order to build up several skills to be a member of society.
There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to play. Among those, two
are considered
as the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
and nurture. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to teach them about justice, ethics and moral, nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a comfortable environment feeling safe. In this essay will discuss the both aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasonable conclusion.

Parents have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into a right path.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
whereas other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
may involve of caring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
. On top of this, the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
and nurturing roles.

Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become uncontrollable.
For example
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are immature, most of their acts
are derived
from emotions. By doing that criminal, violent and emotional actions are inevitable.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to control those acts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
member. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they would be able to learn about justice, morality and ethics to play in society.

However
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a secure environment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by nurturing them. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are young and weak to be independent, the parental barrier
is required
. Under this boundary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can feel comfortable and learn various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as hierarchy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as a family member
as well
as build up the personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they face the reality.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
member.

In my opinion, both aspects are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. While boundaries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
feeling of security and a great way to build a confident,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In reality, there are
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
be dealt
with when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. A family can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can practice various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
member.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
to be
The usual collocations for "responsible" is "responsible for". Did you mean "responsible for" or "in charge of"?
responsible of
. While they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
a safe barrier at the same time. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those
are required
primarily
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to build up several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be a member of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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