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Maintaining public libraries is a waste of time since digital technology is now replacing their function. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Maintaining public libraries is a waste of time since digital technology is now replacing their function. v. 2
As society develops, digital technology has been developed significantly and which threatens the existence of public libraries. While I understand that the digital technology can contain massive information and it is more efficient for the storages of books, public libraries can be useful for stored of old documentations and it is especially useful for elders. Digital technology has developed and people are heavily relied on seeking the information from the digital technology. Since the digital technology contains massive amount of information which any libraries cannot hold, the existence of public libraries becomes a wasteful. As a result of this, the more people are reading a book from the digital technology for its convenient reasons. Mostly books are heavy to hold and inconvenient to carry around whereas technology is hardly weighting and it is easily storable so the popularity of reading through digital technology is growing massively. Therefore, the existence and maintenance of public libraries become useless. However, the public libraries have massive information that is old that may not be able to obtain anywhere else and it is already valuable to see those old documentation in person. For example, the national public libraries of Korea hold historical documentation such as the newspapers from 1930s or 1950s and those can be useful for researchers or students to study. From this example, we can conclude that by observing of old historical papers can be valuable. Also the public libraries have other functions than just stored of information. In particular, seniors have a difficulty to adapt those modern devices and they cannot search for information by use of those technologies. Thus, the maintenance of public libraries is somehow required for specific reasons. In conclusion, it is true that the development of technology has threatened the existence of public libraries as most of information can be found through the modern devices. However, the reason for the existence of public libraries are not only stored of information but it provides the convenient for seniors whom have difficulty to adapt of modern technologies as well as inheritance documentation is worth saving.
As society develops, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
been developed
significantly
and which threatens the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries. While I understand that the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can contain massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and it is more efficient for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
storages
of books,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries can be useful for stored of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
documentations and it is
especially
useful for elders.

Digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
heavily
relied on seeking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Since the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
contains massive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which any libraries cannot hold, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries becomes
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a wasteful
.
As a result
of this, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are reading a book from the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for its convenient reasons.
Mostly
books are heavy to hold and inconvenient to carry around whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is hardly weighting and it is
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
storable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the popularity of reading through digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is growing
massively
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
and maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries become useless.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries have massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
that may not be able to obtain anywhere else and it is already valuable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
documentation in person.
For example
, the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries of Korea hold historical documentation such as the newspapers from 1930s or 1950s and those can be useful for researchers or students to study. From this example, we can conclude that by observing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
historical papers can be valuable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries have other functions than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stored of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
In particular
, seniors have a difficulty to adapt those modern
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
devices and
they cannot search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
Thus
, the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries is somehow required for specific reasons.

In conclusion
, it is true that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has threatened the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries as most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be found
through the modern devices.
However
, the reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
existence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stored of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it provides the convenient for seniors whom have difficulty to adapt of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
as well
as inheritance documentation is worth saving.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries is a waste of time since digital technology is now replacing their function. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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