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Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong. Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up in. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong. Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up in. v. 1
Parents have to play several roles for the betterment of their kids. Among these, the two most important are the self-restraint and nurture. I believe that while parents discipline their children to teach them about justice, morals etc. , nurturing them with a safe environment is equally important. Parents must discipline their children because they are volatile, immature and emotional by nature. When in stress, then they can react emotionally, without processing the circumstance. Hence, it is very important that they are taught to think properly and then act according to circumstances. They must learn the importance of justice, high moral, staying positive etc. , to face the future challenges along with enjoying their childhood. For instance, a student can top the mathematics exam by staying positive and disciplined with studies, even after failing it in the foremost attempt. All these lessons will help them to stay safe, recognize good and bad and become respectable and thoughtful members of society. Parents need to nurture their kids. In childhood, they are weak and cannot protect themselves. Therefore, they are dependent on their parents. To grow and develop properly, they need an surroundings, which triggers a feeling of safety in them, so that they can relax their senses and calm their mind. For example, if the parents are abusive and fighting all the time, the child may develop fear of them and act strangely. This environment can only be created with love and care for them. On the contrary, the absence of this kind of habitat might impact the development of their brain. They learn the first teachings of true love and humanity at home. To conclude, a parent must provide a loved and protective environment for the development of its kids. However, I believe it is equally important for a parent to teach the lesson of discipline, justice etc. , to its children, to make them strong and prepare them to stand by the right.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play several roles for the betterment of their kids. Among these, the two most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
are the self-restraint and nurture. I believe that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
discipline their children to teach them about justice, morals etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
nurturing them with a safe environment is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
discipline their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are volatile, immature and emotional by nature. When in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, then they can react
emotionally
, without processing the circumstance.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they
are taught
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
properly
and then act according to circumstances. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn the importance of justice, high moral, staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
to face the future challenges along with enjoying their childhood.
For instance
, a student can top the mathematics exam by staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and disciplined with studies, even after failing it in the foremost attempt. All these lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay safe, recognize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and become respectable and thoughtful members of society.

Parents need to nurture their kids. In childhood, they are weak and cannot protect themselves.
Therefore
, they are dependent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To grow and develop
properly
, they need
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an surrounding" or simply "surroundings"?
an surroundings
, which triggers a feeling of safety in them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can relax their senses and calm their mind.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are abusive and fighting all the time, the child may develop fear of them and act
strangely
. This environment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be created
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care for them.
On the contrary
, the absence of this kind of habitat might impact the development of their brain. They learn the
first
teachings of true
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and humanity at home.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and protective environment for the development of its kids.
However
, I believe it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to teach the lesson of discipline, justice etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
to its children, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them strong and prepare them to stand by the right.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the role of parents is to discipline their children and teach them about right and wrong. Other people consider that the main responsibility of parents is to nurture their children and provide them with a safe environment to grow up in. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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