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Nowadays, many charities and organizations have to publicize their activities by giving a name to a particular day, such as National Children's day for encouraging treatment of children, National Non-smoking Day for encouraging people to give up smoking. Why do these charities and organizations do so? How effective can these special days be? v.1

Nowadays, many charities and organizations have to publicize their activities by giving a name to a particular day, such as National Children's day for encouraging treatment of children, National Non-smoking Day for encouraging people to give up smoking. Why do these charities and organizations do so? How effective can these special days be? v. 1
In recent decades, many organizations have a penchant for naming a particular sunlight to promote their activities, raising many questions about its implications. Given that there is a reason behind this trend, it could lead to some positive effects. It should be acknowledged that this practice could raise other citizens’ awareness of the seriousness of the problems on a broader scale. In fact, by introducing National Children’s day, people could be informed about hardships or adversities children are suffering from, especially child exploitation or malnutrition. Similarly, Thanks to National non-smoking day, smokers get deeper insights into the detrimental impacts of cigarettes including higher risks of respiratory diseases stemming from the toxic chemicals. It could be directly implied that this pattern could culminate in desirable benefits. First, it would encourage official authorities to undertake initiatives to combat the problems. For example, After the National Children’s day was issued, the legislation of the child protection act was enacted by the Vietnamese government, putting more emphasis on children’s rights and liberty. In addition, this trend could motivate individuals to forgo harmful habits, thereby cultivating healthier lifestyles. For instance, By being conscious of smoking’s health costs on the national Non-smoking day, the smoker population has shrunken remarkably, suggesting a causal relationship with the decline in cases of lung cancers and other cardiovascular diseases. In conclusion, this trend is exclusively for raising a higher degree of consciousness of the issue’s significance. Subsequently, it acts as a considerable contributor to the official authorities’ intervention and citizens’ attention to address the problem.
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations have a penchant for naming a particular sunlight to promote their activities, raising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions about its implications.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that there is a reason behind this trend, it could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.

It should
be acknowledged
that this practice could raise other citizens’ awareness of the seriousness of the problems on a broader scale. In fact, by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
day,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
be informed
about hardships or adversities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are suffering from,
especially
child exploitation or malnutrition.
Similarly
, Thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
non-smoking day, smokers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deeper insights into the detrimental impacts of cigarettes including higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of respiratory diseases stemming from the toxic chemicals.

It could be
directly
implied that this pattern could culminate in desirable benefits.
First
, it would encourage official authorities to undertake initiatives to combat the problems.
For example
, After the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
day
was issued
, the legislation of the child protection act
was enacted
by the Vietnamese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, putting more emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
rights and liberty.
In addition
, this trend could motivate individuals to forgo harmful habits, thereby cultivating healthier lifestyles.
For instance
, By being conscious of smoking’s health costs on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
Non-smoking day, the smoker population has shrunken
remarkably
, suggesting a causal relationship with the decline in cases of lung cancers and other cardiovascular diseases.

In conclusion
, this trend is exclusively for raising a higher degree of consciousness of the issue’s significance.
Subsequently
, it acts as a considerable contributor to the official authorities’ intervention and citizens’ attention to address the problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Nowadays, many charities and organizations have to publicize their activities by giving a name to a particular day, such as National Children's day for encouraging treatment of children, National Non-smoking Day for encouraging people to give up smoking. Why do these charities and organizations do so? How effective can these special days be? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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