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Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people Others think that it is causing the opposite effect Discuss both views and give your opinion v.7

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people Others think that it is causing the opposite effect 7
Section of the society believes that technological advancement has widened the gap between the wealthy and the poor, whereas they are others, who find it as a medium to decrease the status difference between them. This essay is an opinion, that though some discoveries definitely reduced the gap, however, there are other inventions which have make society more polarised. To begin with, some new technology inventions are accessible to everyone irrespective of their economic status. For instances, the internet the biggest development has made the world a global village because of its availability to everybody at the cheaper rate. Nowadays, both the categories can access the internet and related application such as whatsup, facebook. Moreover, some places like hospitals, railway stations, bus stands and airports are WIFI-hotspot where internet is freely available. Online shopping facilities, e-learning opportunities are available to the rich as well as the poor group of people. Therefore, it can state that such inventions have reduced the distance between the two groups to great extent. On the contrary, there are certain innovations which have widened the distance. Modern medical treatment, to name one, is very expensive. Only the economical stable group of people can afford to get good medical facilities. Let’s take an example, treatment of cancer. Some rich people can spend money to get treatment with special protein which is very expensive but with fewer side backs. However, a poor patient has to undergo conventional chemotherapy by spending all of their money and yet there is no guarantee that condition will improve. Such instances suggest the gap is increasing day by day. After analysing both the viewpoints, it can be concluded that different technologies serving society in the different way as some are helping to reduce the gap whereas there are others who are functioning in opposite direction. However, it is hoped that in the future, technology will be a benefit to all people regardless of their financial status.
Section of the society believes that technological advancement has widened the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the wealthy and the poor, whereas they are others, who find it as a medium to decrease the status difference between them. This essay is an opinion, that though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discoveries definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
,
however
, there are other inventions which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
society more
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new technology inventions are accessible to everyone irrespective of their economic status. For instances, the internet the biggest development has made the world a global village
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its availability to everybody at the cheaper rate. Nowadays, both the categories can access the internet and related application such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsup
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places like hospitals, railway stations, bus stands and airports are WIFI-hotspot where internet is
freely
available. Online shopping facilities, e-learning opportunities are available to the rich
as well
as the poor group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, it can state that such inventions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the distance between the two groups to great extent.

On the contrary
, there are certain innovations which have widened the distance. Modern medical treatment, to name one, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
the economical stable group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical facilities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take an example, treatment of cancer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treatment with special protein which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with fewer side backs.
However
, a poor patient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
undergo conventional chemotherapy by spending all of their money and
yet
there is no guarantee that condition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. Such instances suggest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is increasing day by day.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the viewpoints, it can
be concluded
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
technologies serving society in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
whereas there are others who are functioning in opposite direction.
However
, it
is hoped
that in the future, technology will be a benefit to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of their financial status.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people Others think that it is causing the opposite effect 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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