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Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 2
There is no doubt that modern technology is reshaping our planet and affecting every aspect of human lives. From a social perspective, many people argue that the gap between the upper class and lower classes is widening as a result of technological advancements. Others, however, believe the opposite. There are several reasons why one could think that the wealth inequality is increasing. The most common reason is the automation. To elaborate more, the work which is done by technology and automatic machineries reduces the need for manual labours. As a result, less work opportunities are available for unskilled people. Secondly, technology has increased the minimum level of needs that should be satisfied. To be more precise, nowadays, everybody should have a mobile phone and the internet connection, including the poor people. This increases the financial burden on them as they must borrow money to cover these new needs and ultimately the gap has increased between economically stronger and weaker people. On the contrary, some individuals believe that technology has diminished the gap between those who are financially stronger and those who are not. The first and foremost reason behind this that now everyone has access to free and affordable education. By using various online platforms, one can learn many practical skills. To explain it further, if a person wants to study, he can pursue a course by using the medium of distance learning and some of the Universities provide short-term courses totally free of cost. Another major reason is technology has given the freedom to everyone to do business regardless of financial status. For instance, even a roadside vendor can sell his food items online by registering on the Andriod mobile applications like Uber Eats and Zomato. Consequently, the gap has been plunging between richer and poorer because both earn well due to the technology. In conclusion, although some claim that modern technology increases the gap between the rich and the poor, I strongly believe that technology has filled the gap between financially stronger and weaker people because a poor person can educate himself using free education and earn by using that knowledge.
There is no doubt that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is reshaping our planet and affecting every aspect of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. From a social perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and lower classes is widening
as a result
of technological advancements. Others,
however
, believe the opposite.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the wealth inequality is increasing. The most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the automation. To elaborate more, the work which
is done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and automatic
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the need for manual
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
.
As a result
, less work opportunities are available for unskilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased the minimum level of needs that should
be satisfied
. To be more precise, nowadays, everybody should have a mobile phone and the internet connection, including the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This increases the financial burden on them as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
borrow money to cover these new needs and
ultimately
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
has increased between
economically
stronger and weaker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has diminished the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between those who are
financially
stronger and those who are not. The
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind this that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
everyone has access to free and affordable education. By using various online platforms, one can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, if a person wants to study, he can pursue a course by using the medium of distance learning and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
Universities provide short-term courses
totally
free of cost. Another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to everyone to do business regardless of financial status.
For instance
, even a roadside vendor can sell his food items online by registering on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Andriod
mobile applications like Uber Eats and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zomato
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
has been plunging between richer and poorer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both earn well due to the technology.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the rich and the poor,

I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has filled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between
financially
stronger and weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a poor person can educate himself using free education and earn by using that knowledge.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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