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Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money the make. Is this a true indicator of the success of a business and in what other ways could success in a business be measured? v.1

Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money the make. Is this a true indicator of the success of a business and in what other ways could success in a business be measured? v. 1
It is argued in the statement that achievement and success in business can only be judged by the amount earned by the people. From my perspective, money is true and most valuable criteria to mark the progress of a business. They are different other ways to measure business success which will be taken into account prior to reaching an informed conclusion. Money is considered as a reliable and a correct index to predict the strength of a successful business. For example, families of victorious business owners are rolling in finance just because they earn a lot to fulfil the needs and demands of their dependents. It is clearly evident from the given example that the amount of money directly correlates with the huge productivity and outcome of a trade. So, It is only possible for someone deal with all life affaires very coherent with an ample amount of earning. There are other potential ways in which the peak of running a business can be measured easily. Firstly, different deals and standard packages are only offered by the multinational companies. Secondly, a power of occupation can also be judged by the remarkable number of clients. Thirdly, an organization can also become successful with the happy clerks and working staff. Finally, a success of a business can be related with the amount of taxes paid by its owners, as increase income will lead to more tax payments. To conclude, although capital is the most important way to determine the effectiveness of a business, but other methods are also very important to tackle multiple problems in running a business. By following the above protocols, the economy would have a bright future internationally.
It
is argued
in the statement that achievement and success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be judged
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
earned by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. From my perspective, money is true and most valuable criteria to mark the progress of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
other ways to measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
success which will
be taken
into account prior to reaching an informed conclusion.

Money
is considered
as a reliable and a correct index to predict the strength of a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
For example
, families of victorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners are rolling in finance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn a lot to fulfil the needs and demands of their dependents. It is
clearly
evident from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
example that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of money
directly
correlates with the huge productivity and outcome of a trade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible for someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "deals", "dealt".
deal
with all life
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "affairs", the plural form of the noun 'affair'?
affaires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
coherent with an ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of earning.

There are other potential ways in which the peak of running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
be measured
easily
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
deals and standard packages are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offered by the multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Secondly
, a power of occupation can
also
be judged
by the remarkable number of clients.
Thirdly
, an organization can
also
become successful with the happy clerks and working staff.
Finally
, a success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
be related
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of taxes paid by its owners, as increase income will lead to more tax payments.

To conclude
, although capital is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
way to determine the effectiveness of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other methods are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to tackle multiple problems in running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. By following the above protocols, the economy would have a bright future
internationally
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the only way to judge someone’s success in business is by the amount of money the make. Is this a true indicator of the success of a business and in what other ways could success in a business be measured? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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