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Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.2

Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. with this opinion. v. 2
Some people consider that salary is the only reason of working motivation. While it is true in most cases, I believe there are some other reasons that draw people to work harder. Without doubt, the basis aim of work is to earn money and it could related people' s passion of work. In this consumer society, people need to feed, dress, and dwell themselves and no one aspect of these can be done without money. Therefore, this decided people' s thought that linking work directly to the money they will be paid. For instance, in Japan, part-time workers are paid for hours they have worked, this means as people work harder they would be paid more and in some cases employers would raise the pay by employees working attitude. In the same way, a well-paid work often will be easier to attract more people to apply. Whatever in job researching or working, salary is one essential element that affect workers attitude but this element apparently not the only one. The elements decided whether people would working hard also include the pleasure of work and their interest in it. Volunteer works are the finest example that show people would not only work for money but some other meaningful reasons such as the satisfaction of helping people. For young doctors, it is a familiar idea to fly to Africa or some other poor developing countries and cure people by receive fewer salary than in their own countries. People do this sometimes aim to earn other price but money such as the reputation, working experience or self satisfaction. Therefore it fully proofed that money is not the only element that affect the attitude to work hard. In conclusion, salary is one key factor to hard worker and there are also other reasons that related to people' s passion to work.
Some
people
consider that
salary
is the
only
reason
of
working
motivation. While it is true
in most cases
, I believe there are
some
other
reasons
that draw
people
to
work
harder.

Without doubt, the basis aim of
work
is to earn
money
and it could
related
people&
#039; s passion of
work
. In this consumer society,
people
need to feed, dress, and dwell themselves and no one aspect of these can
be done
without
money
.
Therefore
, this decided
people&
#039; s
thought
that linking
work
directly
to the
money
they will
be paid
.
For instance
, in Japan, part-time workers
are paid
for hours they have worked, this means as
people
work
harder they would
be paid
more and in
some
cases employers would raise the pay by employees
working
attitude.
In the same way
, a well-paid
work
often
will be easier to attract more
people
to apply. Whatever in job researching or
working
,
salary
is one essential
element
that affect workers attitude
but
this
element
apparently
not the
only
one.

The
elements
decided whether
people
would
working
hard
also
include the pleasure of
work
and their interest in it. Volunteer works are the finest example that
show
people
would not
only
work
for
money
but
some
other
meaningful
reasons
such as the satisfaction of helping
people
. For young doctors, it is a familiar
idea
to
fly
to Africa or
some
other
poor
developing countries
and cure
people
by receive fewer
salary
than in their
own
countries.
People
do this
sometimes
aim to earn
other
price
but
money
such as the reputation,
working
experience or
self satisfaction
.
Therefore
it
fully
proofed that
money
is not the
only
element
that affect the attitude to
work
hard
.

In conclusion
,
salary
is one key factor to
hard
worker and there are
also
other
reasons
that related to
people&
#039; s passion to
work
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. with this opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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