Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v.2

Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v. 2
People start learning and experiencing every thing since they were born. Normally, parents are our first instructors. Some of them suggest that children or even any person should learn to be cooperative in his life. However, some others believe that children must be nurtured as competitive persons to be successful in their future life. I think that being raised as a competitive person can benefit you more in your life that you have ahead due to some reason which I am going to share them below. First, nowadays life style has been changed totally and society demands humans with a certain set of skills and characteristics who will have a bright future if they acquired these before. Competitiveness is mostly mentioned by a considerable number of companies as a requirement for their fresh employees. So, when your society shows that they chiefly care more about competitive people, a sense of abandonment and frustration may be implied to the people who learned to be cooperative. Furthermore, people who have a competitive personality earned more respect among the others around them. This attitude indirectly implies that most of the people think that competitive persons worked harder and they deserve more respect. For example, my friend Sam had an ordinary condition in his education period. He never presented any sign of cooperation in his life with other classmates or outside people. But, he fought for every thing during his high school period and even after that which made him to look like a person who compete for everything and he never gave up easily. However, he is not a successful person now because he always liked to work alone and his company needed him to work in a group to reach the company’s goals. Also, every person in this world has felt that in the middle of every success, he or she found that they need to obtain more. This feeling of competitiveness is in our soul and it will never stop even if we wanted to suppress that feeling. So, this is something which cannot ignore. In conclusion, humans have variety of needs that should be satisfied. Learning how to manage our relation and what deeply our soul told us to do is the best way of preparation which anybody must focus to be successful in future life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning and experiencing every thing since they
were born
.
Normally
, parents are our
first
instructors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them suggest that children or even any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should learn to be cooperative in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be nurtured
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to be successful in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
being raised
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can benefit you more in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that you have ahead due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason which I am going to share them below.

First
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
totally
and society demands humans with a certain set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and characteristics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will have a bright future if they acquired these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Competitiveness is
mostly
mentioned by a considerable number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as a requirement for their fresh employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when your society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that they
chiefly
care more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, a sense of abandonment and frustration may
be implied
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
learned to be cooperative.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
personality earned more respect among
Consider using "the surrounding others".
the others around them
. This attitude
indirectly
implies that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
worked
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harder and
they deserve more respect.
For example
, my friend Sam had an ordinary condition in his education period. He never presented any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of cooperation in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with other classmates or outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, he fought for every thing during his high school period and even after that which made him to look like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
compete for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everything and
he never gave up
easily
.
However
, he is not a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he always liked to work alone and his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
needed him to work in a group to reach the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s goals.

Also
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in this world has felt that in the middle of every success, he or she found that they need to obtain more. This feeling of competitiveness is in our soul and it will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
even if we wanted to suppress that feeling.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is something which cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.

In conclusion
, humans have variety of needs that should
be satisfied
. Learning how to manage our relation and what
deeply
our soul
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us to do is the best way of preparation which anybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus to be successful in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts