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Some people think the only purpose to work hard is to earn money To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.2

Some people think the only purpose to work hard is to earn money with this opinion v. 2
As money has always been the source to buy everything, some people tend to believe the only reason to work hard is to be financially sound. Although, associating hard work with money is not ethical for some. In my view, hard work is completely one’s choice and should not be considered as a reason to earn more. Firstly, for being laborious, it is not always about money. This is because money cannot buy everything and being passionate about the task outweighs the monetary benefit associated with it. Even if, for some hard work means more money, for others it is all about their passion for the job. To illustrate, Philanthropist or Social activist, who works for the upliftment of society, does not care about the fiscal benefits associated with that task. In fact, for them it is all about giving back to the society without any personal gain. Secondly, sometime hard work is also done to improve their skills in order to remain at the top of their trade. However, in this competitive environment, sometimes hard work; in terms of practice, is the demand. For examples, athletes, who competes on various stages, often practice a lot on their physical fitness and skills. Furthermore, Engineers and doctors tend to upgrade their knowledge in their respective field, which demands lots of hard work. In contrast, if hard work is not the key, then could leave behind in the race. To sum up, despite some people think the reason for hard work is money, nonetheless many believe to be working hard for their passion and on themselves. To me, hard work is the key to succeed in life. Some people work hard because for them being successful is paramount.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has always been the source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is to be
financially
sound. Although, associating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not ethical for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is completely one’s choice and should not
be considered
as a reason to earn more.

Firstly
, for being laborious, it is not always about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything and being passionate about the task outweighs the monetary benefit associated with it. Even if, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
means more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, for others it is all about their passion for the job. To illustrate, Philanthropist or Social activist, who works for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of society, does not care about the fiscal benefits associated with that task. In fact, for them it is all about giving back to the society without any personal gain.

Secondly
, sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
also
done to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to remain at the top of their trade.
However
, in this competitive environment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
; in terms of practice, is the demand. For examples, athletes, who competes on various stages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
practice a lot on their physical fitness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
, Engineers and doctors tend to upgrade their knowledge in their respective field, which demands lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In contrast
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not the key, then could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
behind in the race.

To sum up, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, nonetheless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe to be working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for their passion and on themselves. To me,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the key to succeed in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for them being successful is paramount.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think the only purpose to work hard is to earn money with this opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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