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Some people think that public libraries are not necessary whereas others believe that they are essential for people. To what extant to you agree with this statement? v.2

Some people think that public libraries are not necessary whereas others believe that they are essential for people. To what extant to you agree with this statement? v. 2
In the contemporary epoch, some of individuals are of the belief that due to the technological growth and the internet accessibility, public libraries are not required for society. Should be replaced by other facilities. I strongly disagree with this notion that and, I will confer my reasons. A significant chunk of communities welcomes this conception that Public libraries not only Play a tremendous part in culture and society development, but also they have a comfortable climate for readers. Public libraries, most of the time have and quiet atmosphere where readers can focus and concentrate more in the place without any noises and distractions. A rewarding illustration for that is University students who always prefer writing their dissertations and finish their business assignments on the libraries. Due to the fact that just libraries can reply to those demands. Looking from another perspective, multifarious reasons can discuses to justify this state that traditional libraries should continue to exist. There is also a significant group of individuals believe that there are a lot of ancient books and references that contain historical values and they should be properly maintained in libraries because, they are historic heritage and unique. Furthermore, there are many self-appointed experts and professors upload different type of articles or resources in considerable fields, yet they have not been proven to be accurate or edited which caused import new false grammatic structure or defective enlightenment on the internet. But, resources in libraries are trustworthy and factual. In conclusion, however, the internet changed and influenced different aspects of our life as well as reading and provided more opportunities to get access to information for humans, I tend to believe that public libraries are fundamental and the government should keep them for people.
In the contemporary epoch,
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the individuals") or simply say "some individuals".
some of individuals
are of the belief that due to the technological growth and the internet accessibility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are not required for society. Should
be replaced
by other facilities. I
strongly
disagree with this notion that and, I will confer my reasons.

A significant chunk of communities welcomes this conception that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
libraries not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Play a tremendous part in culture and society development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have a comfortable climate for readers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
libraries, most of the time have and quiet atmosphere where readers can focus and concentrate more in the place without any noises and distractions. A rewarding illustration for
that is
University students who always prefer writing their dissertations and finish their business assignments on the libraries. Due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
libraries can reply to those demands.

Looking from another perspective, multifarious reasons can discuses to justify this state that traditional libraries should continue to exist. There is
also
a significant group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "believes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'believe' is not always incorrect.)
believe
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ancient books and references that contain historical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
values and
they should be
properly
maintained in libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they
Please check whether an article is missing: "are a historic" or "are an historic"
are historic
heritage and unique.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
self-appointed experts and professors upload
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of articles or resources in considerable fields,
yet
they have not
been proven
to be accurate or edited which caused import new false
Possible spelling mistake found.
grammatic
structure or defective enlightenment on the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, resources in libraries are trustworthy and factual.

In conclusion
,
however
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and influenced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of our life
as well
as reading and provided more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to information for humans, I tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are fundamental and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that public libraries are not necessary whereas others believe that they are essential for people. To what extant to you agree with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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