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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.15

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 15
Many people believe that the most important reason for a man to become rich is to have the abilities for providing help. Although the first reactions to some people is to oppose such claims. Nevertheless, there are several persuasive perspectives to concur with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of reasons to discuss this issue more in-depth. Firstly, the main reason to support my position is that help is a positive cycle. Once you helped others, and when you in need one day, you will get returns. For example, my friend, Jane, she supported her cousin for the tuition fees of the University, while she was a doctor. Nowadays, her cousin has graduated and she is a teacher. Furthermore, she is teaching Chinese for Jane's son for free now. While Jane is a housewife and she cannot afford the tuition fees for her son. From such examples, it demonstrates that civilians don't hesitate to give your help when you are available. Also, another reason for my belief is that all we have are from God. For instance, the founder of Microsoft, Bill, he is one of the richest people in the world. However, he has a foundation to provide money, food or other demands for developing countries' children. Even though he donates a lot of money for others, he is still one of the wealthiest people. Consequently, it can be said that God is the provider. As we have the willings to donate, and we won't need to worry about our wealth will drop. To conclude, it is not to say that other points of views are totally without merits. Nonetheless, the reasons I have presented could the position of the most important thing to be rich is to become a blessing for others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to become rich is to have the abilities for providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
first
reactions to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to oppose such claims.
Nevertheless
, there are several persuasive perspectives to concur with this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to discuss this issue more in-depth.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my position is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
cycle. Once you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
others, and when you in need one day, you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
returns.
For example
, my friend, Jane, she supported her cousin for the tuition fees of the University, while she was a doctor. Nowadays, her cousin has
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
graduated and
she is a teacher.
Furthermore
, she is teaching Chinese for Jane's son for free
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. While Jane is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
housewife and
she cannot afford the tuition fees for her son. From such examples, it demonstrates that civilians don't hesitate to give your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when you are available.

Also
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is that all we have are from God.
For instance
, the founder of Microsoft, Bill, he is one of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.
However
, he has a foundation to provide money, food or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
demands for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
' children.
Even though
he donates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for others, he is
still
one of the wealthiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that God is the provider. As we have the
Possible spelling mistake found.
willings
to donate, and we won't need to worry about our wealth will drop.

To conclude
, it is not to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
points of views are
totally
without merits. Nonetheless, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
I have presented could the position of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to be rich is to become a blessing for others.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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