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Every one could turn to a vegetarian to what extent do you agree and disagree v.1

Every one could turn to a vegetarian 1
Owing to present health challenges, it is advisable to switch towards vegetable diet. I disagree with this suggestion because diet only consisting of vegetables causes nutritional deficiencies and eating vegetables produced as a result of advanced agricultural techniques predispose us to lethal diseases. To begin, consumption of only vegetables is making human body devoid of essential nutrients because most of them are present in meat products. Meat contains variety of proteins and amino acids which are required for muscle and bone growth and proper development of the body. Having a diet limited to vegetable products will lead restricted body growth, weak immune system and fatigue which consequently result in various diseases. For instance, according to recent research 76 % of vegetarians are found to have been suffering from anaemia as a result of vitamin B 12 deficiency which is only present in poultry and dairy products. Furthermore, vegetarians are directly exposed to various food born illnesses. With the advent of new agricultural methods farmers are using non organic products such as pesticides, chemical fertilizers and weed killers to have good crop output. These chemicals in turn penetrate soil and vegetable and prove hazardous to human health. Consumption of raw and inadequately cooked chemically processed vegetable can cause morbidity and mortality as well. Because continuous eating of these vegetables start altering our gut bacteria and make changes in our genes that can cause life threatening diseases. For example, study comprising cause of colon cancer showed that 11% of suffering population was consuming vegetables produced by advance farming practices. To conclude, diet involving vegetables while excluding fish and meat products make us weak individuals and more prone to life threatening diseases. However, a balanced diet with equal amount of each food domain is optimal for human health.
Owing to present health challenges, it is advisable to switch towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable
diet. I disagree with this suggestion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consisting of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
nutritional deficiencies and eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
produced
as a result
of advanced agricultural techniques predispose us to lethal diseases.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, consumption of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
is making human body devoid of essential nutrients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them are present in meat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Meat contains variety of proteins and amino acids which
are required
for muscle and bone growth and proper development of the body. Having a diet limited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will lead restricted body growth, weak immune system and fatigue which
consequently
result in various diseases.
For instance
, according to recent research 76 % of vegetarians
are found
to have been suffering from
Possible spelling mistake found.
anaemia
as a result
of vitamin B 12
Possible agreement error. The noun 'deficiency' seems to be countable, so consider using: "deficiencies".
deficiency
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
present in poultry and dairy products.

Furthermore
, vegetarians are
directly
exposed to various food born illnesses. With the advent of new agricultural methods farmers are using
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
such as pesticides, chemical fertilizers and weed killers to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
crop output. These chemicals in turn penetrate soil and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable
and prove hazardous to human health. Consumption of raw and
inadequately
cooked
chemically
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetable
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
morbidity and mortality
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
continuous eating of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
altering our gut bacteria and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our genes that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
life threatening diseases.
For example
, study comprising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of colon cancer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 11% of suffering population was consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
produced by advance farming practices.

To conclude
, diet involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
while excluding fish and meat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us weak individuals and more prone to life threatening diseases.
However
, a balanced diet with equal amount of each food domain is optimal for human health.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Every one could turn to a vegetarian 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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