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Some people think that the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 1
In the recent past, countries across the globe has focussed on the space research and a big part of the annual budget is allocated to invent new technologies for the space exploration. There is a group of people, who feels government should provide more funds to find facts about space, whereas, some people thought that this amount should be spent for the peoples' welfare. In my opinion, funds for new technology should be allocated with defined responsiblity, so that people's basic needs should not be compromised by the lack of funds. Below paragraphs would cover the importance of technology and balance which need to be maintained for funds allocation. Innovating a new technology is a mark of the nation's technical growth and stability. Every country would like to be part of the elite club and demonstrate their skills which is possible by empowering their engineers and scientists with the resources and infrastructure for research. For instance, Indian government has funded Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) to place hundreds of satellites in the earth's orbit with the single launcher. This achievement brought a big applause for the nation and contributed to the big profit in a business of placing satellites in the earth's orbit for ISRO as an organisation and it has strengthened the Indian economy also. It is always profitable to allocate funds with clear responsiblity and the feasibility of the project. Although, there are examples across the globe where a budget is allocated for the sake of competition and without any projections or targets. In these scenarios, it would be difficult to justify this action as the same money can be utilized for the citizen's health and education schemes. For example, North Korea had spent a large sum of money to develop the space engines without any plan, however at the same time people in the country are struggling for better health services. It is government's paramount responsiblity to provide the basic facilities like education and health to the citizens. Afterwards, if their economy allows, they can plan funds for the technology. To sum up, government should have defined good responsiblity matrix for the stakeholders before allocating the funds to projects related to space exploration. As this exercise is not more important than the citizens' basic requirement of safety, health or education.
In the recent past, countries across the globe has focussed on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
part of the annual budget
is allocated
to invent new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration. There is a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who feels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide more funds to find facts about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
, whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that this amount should
be spent
for the peoples' welfare. In my opinion, funds for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
should
be allocated
with defined
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's basic needs should not
be compromised
by the lack of funds. Below paragraphs would cover the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and balance which need to
be maintained
for funds allocation.

Innovating a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is a mark of the nation's technical growth and stability. Every country would like to be part of the elite club and demonstrate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which is possible by empowering their engineers and scientists with the resources and infrastructure for research.
For instance
, Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has funded Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
Research
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
(ISRO) to place hundreds of satellites in the earth's orbit with the single launcher. This achievement brought a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
applause for the nation and contributed to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
profit in a business of placing satellites in the earth's orbit for ISRO as an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and it has strengthened the Indian economy
also
. It is always profitable to allocate funds with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
and the feasibility of the project.

Although, there are examples across the globe where a budget
is allocated
for the sake of competition and without any projections or targets. In these scenarios, it would be difficult to justify this action as the same money can
be utilized
for the citizen's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and education schemes.
For example
, North Korea had spent a large sum of money to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
engines without any plan,
however
at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the country are struggling for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's paramount
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
to provide the basic facilities like education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to the citizens. Afterwards, if their economy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
, they can plan funds for the technology.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have defined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
matrix for the stakeholders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
allocating the funds to projects related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration. As this exercise is not more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the citizens' basic requirement of safety,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or education.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the money spent in developing technology for space exploration is not justified. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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