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Some people believe that international trade and communication with other countries is a positive trend, while others think it is harmful to nations and they might lose their identities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v.1

Some people believe that international trade and communication with other countries is a positive trend, while others think it is harmful to nations and they might lose their identities. with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
Global communication and trade, at the turn of the 21st century, have brought about many effects. On one hand, they’re blurring technological, economic, political, and cultural boundaries, however on the other they’re said to be crushing a country’s individuality. I personally believe in the former opinion more, which shall be reasoned out further in this essay. Outsourcing is one of the negative impacts of world trade, where a country loses a majority of its jobs to workers in foreign; a stark example is the outsourcing of companies from the US to Indian BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) units. Another, is the increasing reliance on foreign brands compared to local equivalents, for example, imported chocolate cookies have more consumption rates than the ones produced by local companies. A large blame is to be put on social communications for creating an overhyped necessity for foreign brands in one’s lifestyle. Such factors are considered to be a significant blow to a country’s own economy and morale of its producers, thereby giving rise to the statement in the question. Looking at the pace international trade is increasing tells us a different story though. In contrast to the ill-effects mentioned above, a number of advantages are put forward by people beckoning world trade to boom. International trade is beneficial to world economy. It adds to the money coffers of the world at large. Every country can benefit monetarily if it is able to dispose of its surplus goods after meeting the requirements of the local people. Consequently the wages and lifestyles of the people automatically start climbing. There’s no stopping globalization so as to consider it; a practical approach would be to take on its positive aspects and work on an according direction to prevent this phenomenon from becoming harmful. Concluding this topic as a positive trend for the world economies, I would like to say that countries cannot live in isolation. They have to mutually share their prosperity, technical know-how and undertake trade in order to sell their surplus products. The world economy is interdependent. The economic progress of a nation would depend upon its ties with other countries.
Global communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
, at the turn of the 21st century, have brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects. On one hand, they’re blurring technological, economic, political, and cultural boundaries,
however
on the other they’re said to be crushing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
individuality. I
personally
believe in the former opinion more, which shall
be reasoned
out
further
in this essay.

Outsourcing is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
, where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
loses a majority of its jobs to workers in foreign; a stark example is the outsourcing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from the US to Indian BPO (Business Process Outsourcing) units. Another, is the increasing reliance on foreign brands compared to local equivalents,
for example
, imported chocolate cookies have more consumption rates than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
produced by local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. A large blame is to
be put
on social communications for creating an
Possible spelling mistake found.
overhyped
necessity for foreign brands in one’s lifestyle. Such factors
are considered
to be a significant blow to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and morale of its producers, thereby giving rise to the statement in the question.

Looking at the pace international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
is increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
story though.
In contrast
to the ill-effects mentioned above, a number of advantages
are put
forward by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
beckoning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
to boom. International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the money coffers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
at large. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can benefit
monetarily
if it is able to dispose of its surplus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
after meeting the requirements of the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
the wages and lifestyles of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
climbing. There’s no stopping globalization
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
consider it; a practical approach would be to take on its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects and work on an according direction to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this phenomenon from becoming harmful.

Concluding this topic as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
mutually
share their prosperity, technical know-how and undertake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
in order to sell their surplus products. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is interdependent. The economic progress of a nation would depend upon its ties with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that international trade and communication with other countries is a positive trend, while others think it is harmful to nations and they might lose their identities. with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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