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Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to teach children to be a good citizen or worker rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to teach children to be a good citizen or worker rather than to benefit them as individuals. v. 1
OWING TO THE FACT THAT SOME PEOPLE SPEND THEIR ENTIRE LIFE GETTING AN EDUCATION JUST TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER I TOTALLY AGREE THAT EDUCATION DOES NOT BENEFIT PEOPLE IN THEIR PERSONAL GROWTH AS INDIVIDUALS. TO START WITH A NUMBER OF PEOPLE STUDY EXTENSIVELY IN OTHER TO BE RECRUITED INTO THE MILITARY TO HELP THE GOVERNMENT FIGHT COMBATS, THEREBY IMPEDING THEIR UNIQUE DEVELOPMENT THAT COMES WITH FAMILY BONDS AND SELF DISCOVERY. IT IS DUE TO THE FACT THAT ALOT OF PEOPLE LOOSE THEIR LIVES FIGTHING GLOBAL WARS. THEREFORE, THERE IS A CONSTANT NEED FOR REINFORECEMENTS LIVING PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR LOVED ONES. ACCORDING TO A SURVEY THAT WAS CARRIED OUT IN AUSTRALIA, A THOUSAND PEOPLE LOOSE THEIR LIVE FIGHTING ANNUALLY, YET A LARGE NUMBER ARE COAXED INTO JOINING FROM THE AGES OF EIGHTEEN. ACCORDING TO POPLUAR BELIEVE, IT CAN BE CLEARLY OBSERVED THAT HUMANS ARE GROOMED FROM A TENDER AGE TO SERVE THE GOVERNMENT REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY LIVES ARE LOST. ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THE LAWS THAT ARE STRICTLY TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS WHICH GOVERN THE WAY OF LIFE OF THE PUBLIC. IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT THE PAYMENT OF TAXES IS A VERY KEEN SUBJECT IN A BRANCH OF SOCIAL SCIENCE COURSE WHICH IS COMPULSORY FOR BEGINNERS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL. MOREOVER, EMPHASIS PLACED ON THE IMPORTANCE OF OBEYING THE RULES OF STRICT PAYMENT WHICH IS TAUGHT TO UPLIFTS ONE AS A GOOD CITIZEN. ADMITTEDLY, IN THE AFFOREMENTIONED COURSE THERE ARE NO GUIDES ON BEING A BETTER HUMAN, IT ONLY DENOTES WHAT PEOPLE CAN DO FOR ITS SOCIETY. TO CONCLUDE, I SUPPORT THE NOTION THAT SAYS SCHOOLING NOWADAYS DOES NOT BENEFIT A PERSON FOR HIS OWN GOOD BUT RATHER FOR THE SOCIETY BECAUSE OF WHAT IS BEING PRIORITIZED IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND THE LURES THAT COME WITH JOINING THE FORCES.
OWING TO THE FACT THAT
SOME
PEOPLE
SPEND THEIR ENTIRE LIFE GETTING AN EDUCATION
JUST
TO SERVE THEIR COUNTRY IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER I
TOTALLY
AGREE
THAT EDUCATION DOES NOT BENEFIT
PEOPLE
IN THEIR PERSONAL GROWTH AS INDIVIDUALS.

TO
START
WITH A NUMBER OF
PEOPLE
STUDY
EXTENSIVELY
IN OTHER TO
BE RECRUITED
INTO THE MILITARY TO
HELP
THE
GOVERNMENT
FIGHT COMBATS, THEREBY IMPEDING THEIR UNIQUE DEVELOPMENT THAT
COMES
WITH FAMILY BONDS AND SELF DISCOVERY. IT IS DUE TO THE FACT THAT
ALOT
OF
PEOPLE
LOOSE
THEIR
LIVES
FIGTHING
GLOBAL WARS.
THEREFORE
, THERE IS A CONSTANT NEED FOR
REINFORECEMENTS
LIVING
PEOPLE
WITHOUT THEIR
LOVED
ONES. ACCORDING TO A SURVEY THAT
WAS CARRIED
OUT IN AUSTRALIA, A THOUSAND
PEOPLE
LOOSE
THEIR
LIVE
FIGHTING
ANNUALLY
,
YET
A LARGE NUMBER
ARE COAXED
INTO JOINING FROM THE AGES OF EIGHTEEN.

ACCORDING TO
POPLUAR
BELIEVE, IT CAN BE
CLEARLY
OBSERVED THAT HUMANS
ARE GROOMED
FROM A TENDER AGE TO SERVE THE
GOVERNMENT
REGARDLESS OF HOW
MANY
LIVES
ARE LOST
.

ANOTHER POINT TO CONSIDER IS THE LAWS THAT ARE
STRICTLY
TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS WHICH GOVERN THE WAY OF LIFE OF THE PUBLIC. IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT THE PAYMENT OF TAXES IS A
VERY
KEEN SUBJECT IN A BRANCH OF SOCIAL SCIENCE COURSE WHICH IS COMPULSORY FOR BEGINNERS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL.
MOREOVER
, EMPHASIS PLACED ON THE IMPORTANCE OF OBEYING THE
RULES
OF STRICT PAYMENT WHICH
IS TAUGHT
TO
UPLIFTS
ONE AS A
GOOD
CITIZEN.
ADMITTEDLY
, IN THE
AFFOREMENTIONED
COURSE THERE ARE NO GUIDES ON BEING A BETTER HUMAN, IT
ONLY
DENOTES WHAT
PEOPLE
CAN DO FOR ITS SOCIETY.

TO CONCLUDE
, I SUPPORT THE NOTION THAT SAYS SCHOOLING NOWADAYS DOES NOT BENEFIT A PERSON FOR HIS
OWN
GOOD
BUT
RATHER
FOR THE SOCIETY
BECAUSE
OF WHAT IS
BEING PRIORITIZED
IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEM AND THE LURES THAT
COME
WITH JOINING THE FORCES.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to teach children to be a good citizen or worker rather than to benefit them as individuals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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