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In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. v. 2
People have different views about whether government should replace parks with more houses or not. Personally, I do not agree that using the land of parks provides more houses, which would be better. The main reason is that a area with high population should retain parkland to provide a communal area for many people who live in apartments or small houses without garden. Both the elderly people and the younger people can go to the park to entertain such as walking, doing exercise, playing badminton, …Besides that, they maybe meet some new friends and talk together, which make them relax after hard-working hours. Moreover, there are many trees in the park, so the air is fresher and health’s everyone are better. Parks are suitable places for almost people. Another reason is that if the government provide more houses in a area without parks, people will face to some problems such as less job, pollution. For example, a city with high population will be polluted air and water more seriously. The amount of carbon dioxide emissions from the forms of transport and factories is increase so it negatively affect human health. Additionally, the high population is the cause of unemployment. The number of labourers is high, whereas the number of jobs is low, so someone has to struggle to find a job. All in all, I think that parks should be retained to bring us more benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
or not.
Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that using the land of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
provides more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
, which would be better.

The main reason is that
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
area with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
population should retain parkland to provide a communal area for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in apartments or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
without garden. Both the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
to entertain such as walking, doing exercise, playing badminton, …
Add a space between sentences
Besides
that, they maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new friends and talk together, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them relax after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working hours.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trees in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the air is fresher and health’s everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
are suitable places for almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Another reason is that if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
area without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems such as less job, pollution.
For example
, a city with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
population will
be polluted
air and water more
seriously
. The amount of carbon dioxide emissions from the forms of transport and factories is increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
negatively
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
human health.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
population is the cause of unemployment. The number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
, whereas the number of jobs is low,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
struggle to find a job.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
should
be retained
to bring us more benefits.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay In many cities, there are areas of land that are used as parks. With increasing population levels, these areas would be better used to provide more housing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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