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Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. v. 2
There is no doubt that all workers will reach their retirement age. Although some people believe that they can work whenever they like, I believe that fixed retirement age should be followed. This essay will evaluate two sides of the argument, followed by a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, the primary reason why people are obliged to work is not their passion for the job, but a need to fulfill their obligation and to meet the necessities of life. As one grows older, he faces the challenge of living alone and therefore, paying all necessary expenses in order to have a decent life. For example, in the UK research on elderly people, they found out that retirement benefits received by the pensioners were not enough to pay accommodation, food and medicine cost. This clearly shows that the financial conditions have a great influence in their decision to stay on the job. On the other hand, I argue that elderly workers should have a specific retirement age of 65 and it holds a valid justification. Firstly, some of the nations adopted this age because it is believed that by this time, people can have some medical conditions. Secondly, the productivity level of these employees cannot be guaranteed as the same as before. Finally, at this later stage of one’s life, they should enjoy the fruits of their labor and relieve them of stress work. In conclusion, despite the financial reason for continuously working at old age, I argue that it should be made mandatory that a worker should retire at a certain age for a medical reason, work related issues and personal fulfillment.
There is no doubt that all workers will reach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they can work whenever they like, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be followed
. This essay will evaluate two sides of the argument, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, the primary reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obliged
to work is not their passion for the job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a need to fulfill their obligation and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the necessities of life. As one grows older, he faces the challenge of living alone and
therefore
, paying all necessary expenses in order to have a decent life.
For example
, in the UK research on elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
benefits received by the pensioners were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to pay accommodation, food and medicine cost. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the financial conditions have a great influence in their decision to stay on the job.

On the other hand
, I argue that elderly workers should have a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 and it holds a valid justification.
Firstly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
nations adopted this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is believed
that by this time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical conditions.
Secondly
, the productivity level of these employees cannot
be guaranteed
as the same as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Finally
, at this later stage of one’s life, they should enjoy the fruits of their labor and relieve them of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
work.

In conclusion
, despite the financial reason for
continuously
working at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, I argue that it should
be made
mandatory that a worker should retire at a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for a medical reason, work related issues and personal fulfillment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion. v.2