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Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. v. 1
Some people believe, that vulnerable groups, particularly the jobless and people without a place to live must be looked after by the government. I take the view, that the government should supported people without employment, in order to be in constantly relationship with citizens. First of all, people out of work such as the citizens, that components of government but a little bit socially low status. They need initial assistance to return back to life, which the government can to render. In my opinion, it could be aid for instance, courses in some professions that subsequently they work and it would be also cash allowance. In addition, they has to provided by housing conditions, as dormitory that they had a place to live. Therefore, number of people with socially poor position will diminish. Furthermore, I think the jobless reduce statistics and economics of country, thuse they must also help their government respectively. I am convinced, that homeless and unemployed injure not only themselves, but also people around them. The applying new rules and their observance is a way out of this situation, consequently due to taken measures number of crimes can significantly decrease, in this way it is possible to avoid thefts. To conclude, in my view, I absolutely agree that it is better for government to pay attention socially vulnerable population and always remember that these two elements existed at the expense of each other. Currently and in principle, society is based on mutual communication and support of both parties.
Some
people
believe, that vulnerable groups,
particularly
the jobless and
people
without a place to
live
must
be looked
after by the
government
. I take the view, that the
government
should
supported
people
without employment, in order to be in
constantly
relationship with citizens.

First of all
,
people
out of work such as the citizens, that components of
government
but
a
little bit
socially
low status. They need initial assistance to
return back
to life, which the
government
can to render. In my opinion, it could be aid
for instance
, courses in
some
professions that
subsequently
they work and it would be
also
cash allowance.
In addition
, they
has
to provided by housing conditions, as dormitory that they had a place to
live
.
Therefore
, number of
people
with
socially
poor position will diminish.

Furthermore
, I
think
the jobless
reduce
statistics and economics of country,
thuse
they
must
also
help
their
government
respectively
. I
am convinced
, that homeless and unemployed injure not
only
themselves,
but
also
people
around them. The applying new
rules
and their observance is a way out of this situation,
consequently
due to taken measures number of crimes can
significantly
decrease, in this way it is possible to avoid thefts.

To conclude
, in my view, I
absolutely
agree
that it is better for
government
to pay attention
socially
vulnerable population and always remember that these two elements existed at the expense of each other.
Currently
and in principle, society
is based
on mutual communication and support of both parties.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and the homeless. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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