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Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money. v. 1
It is very often debated whether the government should extend a helping hand to the artists or not. Some individuals are of the opinion that government bodies should provide support to artists, while others consider it to be a waste of money. This essay will analyse both sides before a conclusion is reached. On the one hand, providing financial assistance to artists can benefit the country as art is a form of expression and it's commonly used to showcase traditional beliefs and cultural values of a particular country that, enhances global exposure leading to an increase in tourism. The rise in tourism increases the inflow of foreign currency, which eventually improves the economy of the country. For instance, the Taj Mahal in India, Agra is one of the seven wonders of the world and although, it was built in 1, 648 but, even today it's a monument that is desired to be visited by many. It's the first piece of art which is spoken about when a person thinks about India. This example clearly illustrates that providing financial aid to artists can bring strong benefits to the country. On the other hand, there are some people who consider investing money on artists to be wasteful. People in this group are of the opinion that, the finances can be used in a prudent manner, especially in third world countries, by providing basic necessities such as safe drinking water, proper food to eliminate malnutrition, education to increase literacy levels that leads to reduced crime rates and good infrastructure to improve the safety of citizens. Take for instance, a recent research showed that Africa is among the top countries that suffers malnutrition, even today. Thus, based on this example, the government needs to prioritize its funds efficiently to eraditcate this issue as it's the hour of the need. On analysing both the sides, I am of the opinion that the government should definitely support artists, as in the long run, the country will reap benefits from the subsidies provided to them.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debated whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should extend a helping hand to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
bodies should provide support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, while others consider it to be a waste of money. This essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a conclusion
is reached
.

On the one hand, providing financial assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as art is a form of expression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to showcase traditional beliefs and cultural values of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that, enhances global exposure leading to an increase in tourism.

The rise in tourism increases the inflow of foreign currency, which
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, the Taj Mahal in India, Agra is one of the seven wonders of the world and although, it
was built
in 1, 648
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a monument that
is desired
to
be visited
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
the
first
piece of art which
is spoken
about when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
about India. This example
clearly
illustrates that providing financial aid to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can bring strong benefits to the country.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consider investing money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to be wasteful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in this group are of the opinion that, the finances can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in a prudent manner" with the adverb for "prudent"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a prudent manner
,
especially
in third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, by providing
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as safe drinking water, proper food to eliminate malnutrition, education to increase literacy levels that leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
crime rates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the safety of citizens. Take
for instance
, a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that Africa is among the top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that suffers malnutrition, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Thus
, based on this example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to prioritize its funds
efficiently
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
eraditcate
this issue as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
the hour of the need.

On
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the sides, I am of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should definitely support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, as in the long run, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will reap benefits from the subsidies provided to them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians and poets. However, other people think that this is a waste of money. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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