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some people think that government should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

some people think that government should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. 1
Corporate entities exist to make profit and that can only be done with collective work from all the departments. The work of an employee can have a great impact on the growth of the organisation. Staff can be encouraged by providing rise in packages and also by improving working conditions. To begin with, The employees in a company play vital role. The Employer can increase productivity by increasing their salaries. Employees are given a fixed amount of pay for their daily task and they work limited hours without any addition input. If the owner of the company wants to extract more output. Then they should provide staff with an incentive, so that they can put an extra effort in addition to their routine daily work. For instance, Mc Donald food chain in India use to sell 100 nos of Hamburger and staff were given fixed monthly wages. The management decided to provide an added bonus to the employees if they double the sales. This how both staff and the owner of the organisation were able to increase the employee productivity and revenue. Furthermore, In order to take more output from the workers of the company, the managers have provided staffs with good working environment. Employers removed the restriction of break and given freedom to employees to take regular gaps during the working hours in comparison to fixed two breaks during the day. The other move by the owner of the company was to provide financial assistance to the worker in times of needs. Every person has ups and down in their life and employees are paid a certain amount regularly and in case of emergencies they do not have backup to tackle such situation. Hence employers understand the needs and give option to help in needy employees. For instance, The ABC company employee was offered money assistance in case of unfourseen condition and also flex working schedule as per they need to make them motivated towards work and the performance of the company enhance drastically. In conclusion, Workers of the company can be motivated by providing an incentive to work and also by giving freedom to work as per convenience and also by assistance during emergency situations by giving financial loans.
Corporate entities exist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit and that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
with collective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from all the departments. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can have a great impact on the growth of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Staff
can
be encouraged
by providing rise in packages and
also
by improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
conditions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
play vital role. The Employer can increase productivity by increasing their salaries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
amount of pay for their daily
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
task and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
limited hours without any addition input.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
wants to extract more output. Then they should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
with an incentive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can put an extra effort
in addition
to their routine daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Donald food chain in India
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
sell 100 nos of Hamburger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
monthly wages. The management decided to provide an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
bonus to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
if they double the sales. This how both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
and the owner of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
were able to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
productivity and revenue.

Furthermore
, In order to take more output from the workers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, the managers have provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment. Employers removed the restriction of break and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to take regular gaps during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours
in comparison
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
two breaks during the day. The other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
by the owner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was to provide financial assistance to the worker in times of needs. Every person has ups and down in their life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are paid
a certain amount
regularly
and in case of emergencies they do not have backup to tackle such situation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
employers understand the needs and give option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For instance
, The ABC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
was offered
money assistance in case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unfourseen
condition and
also
flex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule as per they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them motivated towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
enhance
drastically
.

In conclusion
, Workers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can
be motivated
by providing an incentive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
also
by giving freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as per convenience and
also
by assistance during emergency situations by giving financial loans.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay some people think that government should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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