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Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent v. 2
It is true that some people think that the government budget for education should be the priority to science subjects rather than others, in terms of developing country and progress. While I accept that increase in scientific developments makes a valuable contribution to the growth of the nation, I also disagree that science is the primary contributor. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why the government should pump a huge amount of money into teaching science to boost country and societies function. First reason is that increase in electrical and computer based technologies have led to enhance the level of performance job. As a result, it is a good chance for both individuals and companies to improve the quality of personal life as well as promote the prosperity of the economy. For example, thanks to the availability of technologies such as simulator software, workers in the companies save a great deal of time to analyse results without measuring directly. Furthermore, if young generation is equipped with fundamental comprehension of knowledge related to science, they will be able to broaden their own knowledge to discover something new. For instance, sources of renewable energy such as solar and wind generated power are achievements of the process of enlarging their knowledge. This development helps the government relieve the pressure on fossil fuels sources. On the other hand, local authorities have different reasons apart from science subjects to dedicate in other fields. Firstly, it is essential for youngsters to learn English which plays an indispensable role in fostering economic growth. For example, if the businessman has master English skills, they have countless opportunities to exchange ideas and discuss work without existing language barriers between any part of the worlds. Secondly, creation subjects such as art, music allow individuals expand their imagination. For instance, in developing countries have talented people in drawing field, it means that they can make a beautiful picture to sell. In conclusion, although science sector has the positive influence on national development, I also consider that there exist some other important factors.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
budget for education should be the priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects
rather
than others, in terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
and progress. While I accept that increase in scientific developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a valuable contribution to the growth of the nation, I
also
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is the primary contributor.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pump a huge amount of money into teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
to boost country and societies function.
First
reason is that increase in electrical and computer based technologies have led to enhance the level of performance job.
As a result
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for both individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of personal life
as well
as promote the prosperity of the economy.
For example
, thanks to the availability of technologies such as simulator software, workers in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
save a great deal of time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
results without measuring
directly
.
Furthermore
, if young generation
is equipped
with fundamental comprehension of knowledge related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they will be able to broaden their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge to discover something new.
For instance
, sources of renewable energy such as solar and wind generated power are achievements of the process of enlarging their knowledge. This development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
relieve the pressure on fossil fuels sources.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, local authorities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
subjects to dedicate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields.
Firstly
, it is essential for youngsters to learn English which plays an indispensable role in fostering economic growth.
For example
, if the businessman has master English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, they have countless opportunities to exchange
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and discuss work without existing language barriers between any part of the worlds.
Secondly
, creation subjects such as art, music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
individuals expand their imagination.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in drawing field, it means that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
picture to sell.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
sector has the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on national development, I
also
consider that there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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