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During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.2

During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 2
Summer is the time to rest for students. During the summer break they get rested from studies in order to start learning again in the fall effectively. I personaly prefer to volunteer in the summer. The reasons I hold this stance will be elaborated in the paragraphs below. One of the reasons is that volunteering enable students to get crucial experience in their field. Young professionals, who already have work experience, are more likely to find a job after graduation a college. Nowadays, modern companies prefer to hire skilled people to increase productivity of the working process, and spend fewer time and money on the training of the fresh emploees. If the graduate knows how to deal with his work commitments, he is desirable employee for employers. Conversely, even the young professioanl had very is noticeable student in a college and have high grades, only the real work environment gives indespensable skills to impress future employers and pass sometimes very difficult interview. To that end, volunteering has tremendous impact in the future. Another reason is that students have astonishing feasibility to make new friends during the volunteering. People, who work together, share common interest. They are passioned of the profession and always have what to discuss not only in at work, but outside as well. If people have a myriad in common, they tend to become friends for life. Although an individual can meet new friends at the time of accomplishing work to obtain another major, during the volunteering he can become friend with experienced workers, who will advise him, by shering whisdom. So, volunteers have great chance to start bilding critical relationships. To recapitulate, I feel that volunteering is advantageos for students. This is because, it helps them to excel in the future and find new friends. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that volunteeering during the summer break can help students to succeed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Summer
is the time to rest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
break they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rested from studies in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning again in the fall
effectively
. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
personaly
prefer to volunteer in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
. The reasons I hold this stance will
be elaborated
in the paragraphs below.

One of the reasons is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
crucial experience in their field. Young professionals, who already have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience, are more likely to find a job after graduation a college. Nowadays, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to hire skilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to increase productivity of the working process, and spend fewer time and money on the training of the fresh
Possible spelling mistake found.
emploees
. If the graduate knows how to deal with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
commitments, he
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a desirable" or "is an desirable"
is desirable
employee for employers.
Conversely
, even the young
Possible spelling mistake found.
professioanl
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
is noticeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in a college and have high grades,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment gives
Possible spelling mistake found.
indespensable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to impress future employers and pass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult interview. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
has tremendous impact in the future.

Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have astonishing feasibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together, share common interest. They are
Possible spelling mistake found.
passioned
of the profession and always have what to discuss not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
outside
as well
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a myriad in common, they tend to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
for life. Although an individual can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
at the time of accomplishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to obtain another major, during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
he can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
with experienced workers, who will advise him, by
Possible spelling mistake found.
shering
Possible spelling mistake found.
whisdom
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, volunteers have great chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
Possible spelling mistake found.
bilding
critical relationships.

To recapitulate, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
advantageos
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to excel in the future and find new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that
Possible spelling mistake found.
volunteeering
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
break can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to succeed.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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