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"Excellence could be achieved only by competition. " Do you agree with the statement or not? Give reasons and examples for your arguments. v.2

"Excellence could be achieved only by competition. " or not? Give reasons and examples for your arguments. v. 2
No doubt, competition plays a vital role to make a person excellent. If we look at scenario then we will see that either it is school education or job scenario, everywhere competition spurred the person to perform the best in all. I strongly support the statement that competition is the only source of excellency. I believe that there is a myriad of ways competition makes people change their thought process to give their best. To begin with, the most efficient way to attain excellence is to make people feel motivated towards their goal. Definitely, Competition does this beautifully. I have a wonderful example of my life. When I was in school, I used to be lazy. In fact, I never put effort to do well in class. I had a mindset that being a mediocre student is ok. One day, my class teacher organized a competition that the student, who will achieve the best grades in science and maths will get three thousand Indian rupees money in the prize. First time I took anything so seriously. I really wanted to win that prize. I did hard work as well as I got myself to engage in study. As a result, I won that prize. Moreover, that competition worked like a catalyst in my life and inspired me to be a brilliant student at least in maths and science. Furthermore, another major advantage of competition is “ being involved”. In general, when say involved means “ with whole heart and mind “ This is crucial to achieving anything. It' s our human nature to get distracted or not paying attention to anything completely. For example, one of my friends was working on research experiments related to bioreactor. It' s been one years she did not produce good results. The same year she took participation in a research poster competition at an international conference. Although she performs well however another student got the award for the best poster presentation. After this competition, she produces the best data on her research and everyone in that lab was witnessed for this excellence achievement. Next year she got the “ best paper award” for her work. To wrap up, competition makes a person feel motivated to compete with the crowd and achieve “ the best”. Likewise people get involved in their work with full attention. I feel that these two characteristics are crucial to make a person excellent.
No doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
plays a vital role to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
excellent. If we look at scenario then we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that either it is school education or job scenario, everywhere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
spurred the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to perform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in all. I
strongly
support the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
source of excellency. I believe that there is a myriad of ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process to give their best.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most efficient way to attain excellence is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel motivated towards their goal. Definitely,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Competition
does this
beautifully
. I have a wonderful example of my life. When I was in school, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be lazy. In fact, I never put effort to do well in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I had a mindset that being a mediocre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is ok. One day, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
teacher organized a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, who will achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
grades in science and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
three thousand Indian
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "rupees'" or "rupee's"?
rupees
money in the prize.
First
time I took anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
seriously
. I
really
wanted to win that prize. I did
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
as well
as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
myself to engage in study.
As a result
, I won that prize.
Moreover
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
worked like a catalyst in my life and inspired me to be a brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
at least in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science.

Furthermore
, another major advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
being involved
”.
In general
, when say involved means
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
with whole heart and mind
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
This is crucial to achieving anything.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s our human nature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted or not paying attention to anything completely.
For example
, one of my friends was working on research experiments related to bioreactor.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s been
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one year", "a year", or simply "years"?
one years
she did not produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results. The same year she took participation in a research poster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
at an international conference. Although she performs well
however
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the award for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
poster presentation. After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, she produces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
data on her research and everyone in that lab
was witnessed
for this excellence achievement.
Next
year she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
paper award” for her work.

To wrap up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
feel motivated to compete with the crowd and achieve
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best”
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in their work with full attention. I feel that these two characteristics are crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
excellent.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay "Excellence could be achieved only by competition. " or not? Give reasons and examples for your arguments. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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