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Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent v. 1
Innovations in our present day are allowing a lot of employees a chance to work in their homes several times in a week. The usage of these technologies is making most of the people's life easier. They can able to do their responsibility with their families and work on their assigned task in isolation. To start with, a worker can have a better work-life balance with this working technique. It saves him time because he could finish his daily job at the comfort of his home. Also, he can provide the quality time with his family. I could see this scheme as a possible solution in Manila, wherein most career people are working. Years ago, I would spend at least two hours in the morning from my house in a nearby province to go to an office located in Manila; the same amount of time is applied when going back at home. This is when traffic is quite bad. But recently, it becomes worse. Traffic jam could waste a maximum of 4 hours in an employee's life every morning because of the road congestion, in which they could be spending with their family. It can be also exhausting before one could start his day. In addition, a person's productivity also increases with the "work from home” technique. He can organize his task based on his daily schedule and produce what is needed. Likewise, he can do it systematically because he will not be distracted as much unlike working in a normal office environment. However, this setup can make an employee's connection to colleagues less or at worst, lacking. It is because working in isolation can affect his communication. This is one of the problems a friend of mine who is a graphic artist is experiencing. He mentioned that there was a time that an information was not disseminated properly, resulting in failure of the specific project. In conclusion, modern technology is beneficial to most employees, because it makes their life lighter. Aside from that, they can work efficiently with less pressure an office setup usually has.
Innovations in our present day are allowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
employees a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in a week. The usage of these technologies is making most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life easier. They
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
do their responsibility with their families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their assigned task in isolation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, a worker can have a better work-life balance with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
technique. It saves him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he could finish his daily job at the comfort of his home.
Also
, he can provide the quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his family. I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this scheme as a possible solution in Manila, wherein most career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
. Years ago, I would spend at least two hours in the morning from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in a nearby province to go to an office located in Manila; the same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is applied
when going back at home. This is when traffic is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
recently, it becomes worse. Traffic jam could waste a maximum of 4 hours in an employee's life every morning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the road congestion, in which they could be spending with their family. It can be
also
exhausting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his day.

In addition
, a person's productivity
also
increases with the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
work from home” technique. He can organize his task based on his daily schedule and produce what
is needed
.
Likewise
, he can do it
systematically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he will not
be distracted
as much unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a normal office environment.

However
, this setup can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an employee's connection to colleagues less or at worst, lacking. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in isolation can affect his communication. This is one of the problems a friend of mine who is a graphic artist is experiencing. He mentioned that there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that an information was not disseminated
properly
, resulting in failure of the specific project.

In conclusion
, modern technology is beneficial to most employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life lighter. Aside from that, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
with less pressure an office setup
usually
has.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country development and progress What extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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