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Nowadays, children have a lot of homework to do. Some people, however, believe that less homework means less stress for children, so they will be able to learn other useful skills. Do you agree or disagree? (Sample answer_Misnariah) v.1

Nowadays, children have a lot of homework to do. Some people, however, believe that less homework means less stress for children, so they will be able to learn other useful skills. (Sample answer_Misnariah) v. 1
Kids nowadays are spending a lot indoors, mostly watching TV shows. This activity is beneficial for their development, while being entertained. Parents or guardians keep an eye on them in order to choose properly the programs they are watching and controlling the length of time watching to avoid any risk in their health. The television is considered one of the cheapest forms of entertainment. To a child, projecting illustration or sometimes animation in vivid colours is attractive. With background music as accompaniment, it stimulates one's senses. Having both in programs allows a child to broaden his imagination and also awareness of his surroundings. Back when I was babysitting my cousin, we would enjoy our bonding moment by watching TV. I would hear her imitating lines from the shows or even the commercials, at times dancing with the music. At the age of two, she was able to speak our mother tongue in sentences, unlike other toddlers at her age who is just starting to speak words or phrases. Moreover, parents will feel safe and secure, since their offspring is enjoying his idle time indoors. In addition, they could carefully select and monitor the shows suitable for their kid; also they can limit the TV schedule spent by the child in order to allocate to other activities to prevent, or at least lessen the health problems due to prolonged usage of television. On the contrary, longer hours of its usage deteriorates a kid's well-being. It weakens one's metabolism due to lack of physical exercise. The proximity with the appliance could also affect his sight and hearing as well. I recently watched a documentary regarding obese kids and most of the interviewed parents blamed the status of their kid's health with their love of watching TV. In summary, allowing kids to watch programs on television help them to learn while getting preoccupied. It is favourable on their part that parents supervise them in order to guide them correctly while enjoying this hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
nowadays are spending
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of indoors"?
a lot indoors
,
mostly
watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. This activity is beneficial for their development, while
being entertained
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
or guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on them in order to choose
properly
the programs they are watching and controlling the length of time watching to avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in their health.

The television
is considered
one of the cheapest forms of entertainment. To a child, projecting illustration or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
animation in vivid
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
is attractive. With background music as accompaniment, it stimulates one's senses. Having both in programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a child to broaden his imagination and
also
awareness of his surroundings. Back when I was babysitting my cousin, we would enjoy our bonding moment by watching TV. I would hear her imitating lines from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or even the commercials, at times dancing with the music. At the age of two, she was able to speak our mother tongue in sentences, unlike other toddlers at her age who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
starting to speak words or phrases.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will feel safe and secure, since their offspring is enjoying his idle time indoors.
In addition
, they could
carefully
select and monitor the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
suitable for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
;
also
they can limit the TV schedule spent by the child in order to allocate to other activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
, or at least lessen the health problems due to prolonged usage of television.

On the contrary
, longer hours of its usage deteriorates a kid's well-being. It weakens one's metabolism due to lack of physical exercise. The proximity with the appliance could
also
affect his sight and hearing
as well
. I recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a documentary regarding obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and most of the interviewed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
blamed the status of their kid's health with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of watching TV.

In summary, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
programs on television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn while getting preoccupied. It is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
on their part that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
supervise them in order to guide them
correctly
while enjoying this hobby.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Nowadays, children have a lot of homework to do. Some people, however, believe that less homework means less stress for children, so they will be able to learn other useful skills. (Sample answer_Misnariah) v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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