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During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.1

During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1
Although in some countries, students at tertiary institutions go to the campus for studies from their family house, students from other countries get accommodation far away from their relatives who reside in the same city as their university. In my opinion, the benefits of living away from relatives are more than the demerits. Admittedly, there are several major benefits of not living together with family members while studying at the university situated in the same city with relations. Firstly, it helps to avoid distractions that may arise from parents or siblings such as running errands or taking care of them. Students who stay on their own enjoy the liberty of managing their time without family interference. Secondly, the interaction they have with their colleagues helps them to develop their communication, social skills and to perform excellently in their various tasks. This is because they can share ideas with their peers and carry out their assignments till odd hours of the day without any of their family members questioning their movement. For example, students who carry out research work in their final year sometimes work all through the night on campus so as to meet up with deadlines. Students who live with their guardians cannot do this as they are expected to be home before night falls for security reasons. Nevertheless, there are minor drawbacks to this lifestyle. One disadvantage of living far away from family members is that students become exposed to social vices such as crime, cohabitation and cultism which is carried out by other students. For instance, a recent publication from Olabisi Onabanjo University revealed that 50 percent of female students cohabit with their male friends without the knowledge of their parents. This exposes them to pre-marital sex and early pregnancy. Another downside is that since they learn to live on their own, only the fittest survive. They constantly work to survive both good and extreme conditions without the counsel of their acquaintances. Also, they get to learn from their life's experiences as against parental counsel. In conclusion, the benefits that students who stay far away from their relatives enjoy such as being free from any parental disturbances and the luxury of doing their research work at any time of the day far supersede any disadvantages that this lifestyle might process.
Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at tertiary institutions go to the campus for studies from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from other countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accommodation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their relatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reside in the same city as their university. In my opinion, the benefits of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from relatives are more than the demerits.

Admittedly
, there are several major benefits of not living together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members while studying at the university situated in the same city with relations.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to avoid distractions that may arise from parents or siblings such as running errands or taking care of them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
enjoy the liberty of managing their time without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
interference.
Secondly
, the interaction they have with their colleagues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to develop their communication, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and to perform
excellently
in their various tasks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with their peers and carry out their assignments till odd hours of the day without any of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members questioning their movement.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
carry out research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their final year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
all through the night on campus
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with deadlines.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their guardians cannot do this as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
night falls for security reasons.

Nevertheless
, there are minor drawbacks to this lifestyle. One disadvantage of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
become exposed to social vices such as crime, cohabitation and cultism which
is carried
out by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
, a recent publication from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olabisi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Onabanjo
University revealed that 50 percent of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cohabit with their male friends without the knowledge of their parents. This exposes them to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-marital
sex and early pregnancy. Another downside is that since they learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the fittest survive. They
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to survive both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and extreme conditions without the counsel of their acquaintances.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn from their life's experiences as against parental counsel.

In conclusion
, the benefits that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their relatives enjoy such as being free from any parental disturbances and the luxury of doing their research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at any time of the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
supersede any disadvantages that this lifestyle might process.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay During the summer break what do you prefer attend classes to obtain another major or volunteer? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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