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Should government spend more money on improving roads and highways, or on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons to develop your essay. v.1

Should government spend more money on improving roads and highways, or on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons to develop your essay. v. 1
Nowadays, most kids enjoy spending time playing video games, leaving a small amount of time to engage in physical activities. One possible reason is that parents have hectic schedules preventing them to engage in activities with their children, however, in my opinion, it is causing a negative impact on a child mental and physical health. It is undeniable that parents these days have busy agendas where they can barely take their kids to enjoy outdoor activities. In other words, both mothers and fathers spend most of the day juggling between their work and chores around the house. As a result, they leave their children to spend time playing computer games where they can keep their children busy in order to finish their tasks. For instance, a working mother finds it more suitable to keep her child enjoy the pad to be able to cook a meal or do the laundry. However, not doing enough sports is harmful for a person's health, especially for kids. To state this in other terms, a kid spending most of his leisure time playing virtual games, and living a sedentary lifestyle is at risk of having health issues such as cardiovascular diseases, Diabetes, and obesity. For example, a recent study in the United States shows that to compare with kids who spend most of their free time indoor, children who are enrolled in physical activity courses have 20% more immunity cells in their bodies. In conclusion, engaging in virtual computer games for a long period is caused by the busy lifestyle of the parents, nevertheless it is affecting negatively the wellbeing of a child.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, leaving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to engage in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. One possible reason is that parents have hectic schedules preventing them to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, in my opinion, it is causing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a child mental and physical health.

It is undeniable that parents these days have busy agendas where they can
barely
take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to enjoy outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
In other words
, both mothers and fathers spend most of the day juggling between their work and chores around the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
busy in order to finish their tasks.
For instance
, a working mother finds it more suitable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
her child enjoy the pad to be able to cook a meal or do the laundry.

However
, not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sports is harmful for a person's health,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. To state this in other terms, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
spending most of his leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and living a sedentary lifestyle is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of having health issues such as cardiovascular diseases, Diabetes, and obesity.
For example
, a recent study in the United States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that to compare with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who spend most of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
indoor,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are enrolled
in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
courses have 20% more immunity cells in their bodies.

In conclusion
, engaging in virtual computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long period
is caused
by the busy lifestyle of the parents,
nevertheless
it is affecting
negatively
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of a child.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Should government spend more money on improving roads and highways, or on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons to develop your essay. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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