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Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.3

Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 3
It is becoming a popular culture among students these days to take a gap year, which is a year that they take after finishing school and before starting college to take up a job or visit foreign countries. This essay will first discuss how a year off can help them find their passion, which is an important advantage, followed by how some of them lose the motivation to continue their studies, which is a big disadvantage. The benefit of taking some time off from studies is that students can explore various possibilities and find their interests. They can learn about many different areas of work, even try some jobs before they finally settle on a career path that suits them the most. For example, When I took a year off after school, I took an internship at a software company which made me realize that this field is most appropriate for me to build a career in. Because youngsters can take this time to identify the sector that attracts them the most, they are ought to be more successful in the future. On the downside, a big disadvantage of this is that in some people, the drive to pursue education is lost. When they start earning and feel that they can pay for their needs, they think that enrolling in higher studies is unnecessary. For instance, a recent survey published in the Times newspaper said that several Walmart employees are students who took the job in their gap year but never got back to school in order to keep the steady income flowing. As a result, this break could be detrimental to the overall development of the teenagers. To sum up, a break in studies can help students introspect and choose the best path forward while to some, it can be the end of their education as they no longer value the need for it. In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the consequences of a gap year because the students can still be encouraged to get back to the universities by parents or peers.
It is becoming a popular culture among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
these days to take a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, which is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
that they take after finishing school and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting college to take up a job or visit foreign countries. This essay will
first
discuss how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find their passion, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage, followed by how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them lose the motivation to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disadvantage.

The benefit of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can explore various possibilities and find their interests. They can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of work, even try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
finally
settle on a career path that suits them the most.
For example
, When I took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off after school, I took an internship at a software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which made me realize that this field is most appropriate for me to build a career in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
youngsters can take this time to identify the sector that attracts them the most, they are ought to be more successful in the future.

On the downside, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disadvantage of this is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the drive to pursue education
is lost
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning and feel that they can pay for their needs, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enrolling in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is unnecessary.
For instance
, a recent survey published in the Times newspaper said that several Walmart employees are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who took the job in their gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
back to school in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the steady income flowing.
As a result
, this break could be detrimental to the
overall
development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

To sum up, a break in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
introspect and choose the best path forward while to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it can be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their education as they no longer value the need for it. In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the consequences of a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
still
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to the universities by parents or peers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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