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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or dis agree? v.3

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 3
The issue of whether the artwork contributes to the economy has become a controversial in the contemporary society. Despite the government have allotted funds on crafts, individuals are ought to allocate the budget in a more valuable projects. Personally, I entirely disagree for a number of reasons. To embark on, the asserting of procurement on arts is a quite impressive to use nowadays. Since the government has devoted some of its resources, the possession of these artists are having beneficial for two reasons: less juvenile crimes and more livelihood profit. The central reason behind this is the petty crimes is more likely to decrease because of the youth programs. Take, For example, the school of arts is flourishing by improvements which showed drastically increase of the enrolls by 30% compared to the last of a year 3% increased. Therefore, the young ones prefer to be educated on handicrafts rather than involving themselves in crimes. Furthermore, It should not be forgotten that the business firms were probing prospective employees who learned craft work, so most of them were hiring artist. This is generally because people who usually demonstrate creativity are the ones who have outstanding aptitude. To illustrate, During trade season, most of the items in the furniture shops were sold out, and it was crafted by the well-known artist. Thus, it is conclusively clearing that this creation of art is generating income. To conclude, individuals pulling out the budget in arts to pave way in other projects will have no impact on the economics. This approach will not improve the current situation because it will aggravate the poor standing of many disorderly youth.
The issue of whether the artwork contributes to the economy has become a controversial in the contemporary society. Despite the
government
have allotted funds on crafts, individuals are ought to allocate the budget in a more valuable projects.
Personally
, I
entirely
disagree for a number of reasons.

To embark on, the asserting of procurement on
arts
is a quite impressive to
use
nowadays. Since the
government
has devoted
some
of its resources, the possession of these artists are having beneficial for two reasons: less juvenile crimes and more livelihood profit. The central reason behind this is the petty crimes is more likely to decrease
because
of the youth programs. Take,
For example
, the school of
arts
is flourishing by improvements which
showed
drastically
increase of the enrolls by 30% compared to the last of a year 3% increased.
Therefore
, the young
ones
prefer to
be educated
on handicrafts
rather
than involving themselves in crimes.

Furthermore
, It should not
be forgotten
that the business firms were probing prospective employees who learned craft work,
so
most of them were hiring artist. This is
generally
because
people
who
usually
demonstrate creativity are the
ones
who have outstanding aptitude. To illustrate, During trade season, most of the items in the furniture shops
were sold
out, and it
was crafted
by the well-known artist.
Thus
, it is
conclusively
clearing that this creation of
art
is generating income.

To conclude
, individuals pulling out the budget in
arts
to pave way in other projects will have no impact on the economics. This approach will not
improve
the
current
situation
because
it will aggravate the poor standing of
many
disorderly youth.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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