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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.3

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 3
There is no doubt that art plays a vital role in educating our societies. While some people believe that it is a waste of money for the government to invest in arts, I believe that art provides a better understanding of our culture and also keeps our artists motivated to pursue this profession. To begin with, the most compelling reason is that art helps us to learn more about our heritage and culture. This is because there are a lot of objects that can be represented using art. Art museums and galleries are the best places where people can visit and acquire more knowledge about their ancestors. With the help of these museums, many teachers find it easy to teach and explain to their students the tradition and way of life of our ancestors. Thus, art has significant importance in our society. Furthermore, many artists would not be able to continue their profession if the government does not subsidize them. If the government invests this money on other purposes, these artists would not be able to survive on their own and ultimately would be forced to stop doing art. For example, because of the lack of demand for painting, many artists cannot afford to buy the necessary items to paint a picture, as a result, losing interest. Therefore, it is important for the government to invest in this area to keep them inspired to perform this job. In conclusion, while the government could invest this money to other purposes that might be useful, the importance of art cannot be neglected because it provides knowledge to the citizens of the society and provides job opportunities.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a vital role in educating our societies. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is a waste of money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
provides a better understanding of our culture and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
motivated to pursue this profession.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most compelling reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to learn more about our heritage and culture. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
objects that can
be represented
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
museums and galleries are the best places where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can visit and acquire more knowledge about their ancestors. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of these museums,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teachers find it easy to teach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
to their students the tradition and way of life of our ancestors.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has significant importance in our society.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
would not be able to continue their profession if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not subsidize them. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invests
this money on other purposes, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
would not be able to survive on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
ultimately
would
be forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of demand for painting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the necessary items to paint a picture,
as a result
, losing interest.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
in this area to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them inspired to perform this job.

In conclusion
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
invest
this money to other purposes that might be useful, the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
cannot
be neglected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides knowledge to the citizens of the society and provides job opportunities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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