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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Over centuries, the human being has always expressed his/her emotions and thoughts by taking advantage of art and creation. Although some people believe that art is an integral part of every nation, which should be preserved and treasured by considering a high budget, others assume that the money must be allocated to the infrastructures. I firmly agree that art is the most precious and priceless trophy of prolonged cultures, which requires colossal consideration. On the one hand, art could undoubtedly be considered a reliable source of income since it can attract myriad tourists worldwide and cater to the national well-being fiscally. Given gainful opportunities to the citizen, they would be able to benefit from foreign visitors, who spend a bunch of money by providing suitable facilities such as hotels, restaurants, recreational centers and so on. In Thailand, for instance, Thai people would have been faced with terrible financial crises if they had not had the vast variety of tourist attractions to host thousands of thousand people annually. On the other hand, the future developments and thrives extremely hinge on historical artworks of each culture. Hence, it is certainly the government's duty to conserve these precious items in order to pass the legacy of society to the next generation. However, extravagance in spending money on art while the high proportion of people are copying with poverty, illiteracy and diseases could lead to irretrievable drawbacks.
Over centuries, the human being has always expressed his/her emotions and thoughts by taking advantage of
art
and creation. Although
some
people
believe that
art
is an integral part of every nation, which should
be preserved
and treasured by considering a high budget, others assume that the money
must
be allocated
to the infrastructures. I
firmly
agree
that
art
is the most precious and priceless trophy of prolonged cultures, which requires colossal consideration. On the one hand,
art
could
undoubtedly
be considered
a reliable source of income since it can attract myriad tourists worldwide and cater to the national well-being
fiscally
.
Given
gainful opportunities to the citizen, they would be able to benefit from foreign visitors, who spend a bunch of money by providing suitable facilities such as hotels, restaurants, recreational centers and
so
on. In Thailand,
for instance
, Thai
people
would have
been faced
with terrible financial crises if they had not had the vast variety of tourist attractions to host thousands of thousand
people
annually
.

On the other hand
, the future developments and thrives
extremely
hinge on historical artworks of each culture.
Hence
, it is
certainly
the
government
's duty to conserve these precious items in order to pass the legacy of society to the
next
generation.
However
, extravagance in spending money on
art
while the high proportion of
people
are copying with poverty, illiteracy and diseases could lead to irretrievable drawbacks.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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