Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.16

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 16
Many people argue that spending of public money on the arts by the government is a wastage and it can be utilized elsewhere and I agree with them. In this essay, I am going to support my opinion with examples. Firstly, this money can be spent on health care to provide free health benefits for the poor and needy. A lot of poor in the country cannot afford the treatments for several contagious and serious diseases and choose to ignore them. This is an issue because it can result in a wide spread of the illness which can be hard to contain at a later stage. For example, during the recent COVID-19 outbreak, many people choose not to get themselves tested because the diagnosis costed more than what they can afford and this resulted in a large number of people infected across the country. If the authorities are able to provide free health care, then the number of people who neglect the symptoms could drastically decrease and this can result in curbing the further spread of the diseases. Furthermore, this benefit can also lead to better health standards of the nation. Secondly, the money can also be used to support the education of the talented by providing them scholarships. A number of talented students and the poor study in substandard institutions because they cannot afford the fee of reputed colleges. For instance, a friend of mine who had the talent to get into one of the top colleges in the country could not because the fee was beyond what he could manage, so he had to join a below average local college. If the government could provide funding to these talented individuals, then it could lead to the overall development of the nation in the long run as this scheme can produce more scholars. To conclude, instead of spending money on the arts, governments can consider investing in health care and education which in my view, are the better alternatives because of the advantages of improved health and development of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that spending of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the arts by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is a wastage and it can
be utilized
elsewhere and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. In this essay, I am going to support my opinion with examples.

Firstly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care to provide free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits for the poor and needy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
poor in the country cannot afford the treatments for several contagious and serious diseases and choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
them. This is an issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can result in a wide spread of the illness which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to contain at a later stage.
For example
, during the recent COVID-19 outbreak,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the diagnosis costed more than what they can afford and this resulted in
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
infected across the country. If the authorities are able to provide free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, then the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who neglect the symptoms could
drastically
decrease and this can result in curbing the
further
spread of the diseases.
Furthermore
, this benefit can
also
lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standards of the nation.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to support the education of the talented by providing them scholarships. A number of talented students and the poor study in substandard institutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford the fee of reputed colleges.
For instance
, a friend of mine who had the talent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into one of the top colleges in the country could not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the fee was beyond what he could manage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a below average local college. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could provide funding to these talented individuals, then it could lead to the
overall
development of the nation in the long run as this scheme can produce more scholars.

To conclude
,
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the arts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can consider investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and education which in my view, are the better alternatives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and development of the nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts