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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.10

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 10
It is certainly true that people believe the regime ought to spend funds citizen benefits rather than supports on art. For instance, music, exhibition and museum. Despite the fact that I extremely disagree that funds should be spent on transport as it is a waste of funds to support the arts. First of all, in order to raise awareness of arts to citizens, the government spends lots of funds on the arts. A number of artists are lower income to create a work of art, who they are an urgent need the government support to maintain living expenses. Most folks lack the visual knowledge, because they have no respect for artists as well. People will recognize knowledge about the arts through museums if the regime advances the arts industry. In addition, If folks are interested in creating handicrafts or paintings, they may attempt to sell their artwork in the market. People used to purchase lots of quality of artwork to decorate their houses, therefore, the fine art industry economy is growing. For example, my foreign friends saw a handcraft activity and an art exhibition in Taiwan through the regime website. They were excited to travelling this country. Due to advertise on social media, it assists to raise the travel and tourism as well. To conclude, it is clear that art played an important role in our society that it is far more important than merely earning money. Therefore, the arts will need even more opportunities through connections with the university, organization and museum. I hope the regime able to recognize that support artwork industries will increase tourism and economy.
It is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regime
ought to spend funds citizen benefits
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For instance
, music, exhibition and museum. Despite the fact that I
extremely
disagree that funds should
be spent
on transport as it is a waste of funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the arts.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to raise awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to citizens, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends lots of funds on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. A number of artists are lower income to create a work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, who they are an urgent need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
to maintain living expenses. Most folks lack the visual knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have no respect for artists
as well
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will recognize knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
through museums if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regime
advances the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "arts'" or "art's"?
arts
industry.
In addition
, If folks
are interested
in creating handicrafts or paintings, they may attempt to sell their artwork in the market.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
lots of quality of artwork to decorate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
therefore
, the fine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
industry economy is growing.
For example
, my foreign friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a handcraft activity and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition in Taiwan through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regime
website. They
were excited
to travelling this country. Due to advertise on social media, it assists to raise the travel and tourism
as well
.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our society that it is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
merely
earning money.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
will need even more opportunities through connections with the university, organization and museum. I hope the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regime
able to recognize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
artwork industries will increase tourism and economy.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 10

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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