Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibility? v.1

Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibility? v. 1
Taking care of senior people is a debatable issue nowadays. Although some think it is the government obligation to look after the elderly, other claims taking care of senior members is the duty of family members. I, however, believe that it is a responsibility of both. The government plays an integral role in taking charge of senior citizens by increasing pension years. If any elderly do not have offspring to look after them at least the government pension will be there to survive, which is the premium right of everyone. As a result, they do not tend to open hands in front of their relative just for the sake of living. Besides this, higher authorities should build hospitals, and provide a free nursing home for elderly in order to look after them in the form of well-equipped machines, qualified and trained nurses to deal with mobility problems in geriatric. Apart from the aforementioned view, I think the family is also to be blamed to take care of their elders because at one time they were the only ones for their children to support, motivate and impart unconditional love. So it would be a small amount for their children to look after their elders when they are in need. Family love and affection is the sheer thing, which deters the elderly from feeling lonely and consequently, they feel happy and joyous just by seeing their offspring in front of them. No amount of money can render such happiness as they get from their family members. Moreover, children can set an example for their future generation by taking care of seniors at home so that their kids do not leave them in nursing homes but let them stay at home only. In conclusion, although some believe taking care of the elderly is the duty of the government, others are of the school of thought that it is the responsibility of family members. I, however, believe that it should be the joint responsibility of the government and family by providing well-equipped facilities, and creating a good ambience at home for the elderly to feel blissful.
Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is a debatable issue nowadays. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
obligation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
, other claims taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
is the duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. I,
however
, believe that it is a responsibility of both.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays an integral role in taking charge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
citizens by increasing pension years. If any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
do not have offspring to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after them at least the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
pension will be there to survive, which is the premium right of everyone.
As a result
, they do not tend to open hands in front of their relative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of living.
Besides
this, higher authorities should build hospitals, and provide a free nursing home for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after them in the form of well-equipped machines, qualified and trained nurses to deal with mobility problems in geriatric.

Apart from the aforementioned view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
to
be blamed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their elders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at one time they were the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones for their children to support, motivate and impart unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount for their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
after their elders when they are in need.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection is the sheer thing, which deters the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
from feeling lonely and
consequently
, they feel happy and joyous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by seeing their offspring in front of them. No amount of money can render such happiness as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Moreover
, children can set an example for their future generation by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their kids do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them stay at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
is the duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, others are of the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. I,
however
, believe that it should be the joint responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by providing well-equipped facilities, and creating a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ambience at home for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
to feel blissful.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is responsible for looking after the elderly. Others believe that it should be family members. Who do you think should take responsibility? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts