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Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 1
Government spending huge money on the arts is considered as a wastage by many people and they believe that this budget should be allocated to other important areas. I do not agree with this statement as state's support helps many artist to follow their passion and it is a way to protect the country's culture. Allocating some government budget to the arts is important as it helps in saving the culture of a country. The history of a country is better shown by great artist through their art work and many theatre artist convey the old stories through different plays. As it is always believed that a picture speak better than words, so many children enjoy learning about their culture by watching different shows and visiting art galleries. Therefore, it is the government responsibility to save the nation's culture. Spending money on the arts is also important because it acts as a source of income for many artists. Many artists rely on subsidies as they do not have another profession. For many people, making art pieces and doing plays is a way of expressing themselves and without government support it will be quite impossible for them to continue with their passion. For instance, one renowned artist once told in an interview that he faced mental health issues before he started working as an artist because he was an introvert and could not find a way to express himself. Art gave him a reason to live. In conclusion, allocating some money to art always act in betterment of a country as it allows many people to earn their bread by doing the work what interest them and also act as a method to save the cultural heritage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
spending huge money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is considered
as a wastage by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they believe that this budget should
be allocated
to other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as state's support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
to follow their passion and it is a way to protect the country's culture.

Allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "governments"?
government
budget to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in saving the culture of a country. The history of a country is better shown by great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
convey the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
stories through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plays. As it is always believed that a picture speak better than words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children enjoy learning about their culture by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries.
Therefore
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
responsibility to save the nation's culture.

Spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it acts as a source of income for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
rely on subsidies as they do not have another profession. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces and doing plays is a way of expressing themselves and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
support it will be quite impossible for them to continue with their passion.
For instance
, one renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
in an interview that he faced mental health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was an introvert and could not find a way to express himself.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
gave him a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
always act in betterment of a country as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to earn their bread by doing the work what interest them and
also
act as a method to save the cultural heritage.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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