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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 2
It is true that in order to mitigate criminal activities, a longer prison sentences would be given to ensure crimes not to infringe again. However, I contend that this is not the only way to reduce illegal activities, because there are alternative measures which would also effective. On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to encourage people’s awareness of what they are acting in daily life, which is right and which is wrong. In others word, prison sentences for dangerous crimes might lead to the fear of losing their freedom, the most valuable things or even losing their sense of purposes in life. The aim of these punishments is to show offenders that their actions have grave long-term consequences. Therefore, the longer imprisonment is, the stronger defense it becomes to protect society from illegal activities, particularly dangerous ones such as murder, assault. On other hand, I believe that several different ways could be taken into account to tackle these potential problems. Firstly, it is vitally important to educate people’s horizon than simply to send them to jail. Some young adults in the age of 15-23, for example, are unable to define their behaviors are appropriate or not with social norms, they are likely to imitate violence which appears on TV and violate the laws. Secondly, the majority of criminal acts are result of poverty and unemployment, thus, some measures that governments need to carry out is creating more jobs and enhancing the quality of human’s life. If they can do this, the percentage of offenders will be reduced and society becomes safer than ever. In conclusion, while imprisonments can help to prevent illegal activities, I believe that other measures that I mention above are also necessary.
It is true that in order to mitigate criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, a longer prison sentences would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to ensure crimes not to infringe again.
However
, I contend that this is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are alternative measures which would
also
effective.

On the one hand, strict punishments can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s awareness of what they are acting in daily life, which is right and which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. In others word, prison sentences for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
crimes might lead to the fear of losing their freedom, the most valuable things or even losing their sense of purposes in life. The aim of these punishments is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
offenders that their actions have grave long-term consequences.
Therefore
, the longer imprisonment is, the stronger defense it becomes to protect society from illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
particularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
ones such as murder, assault.

On other hand, I believe that several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways could
be taken
into account to tackle these potential problems.
Firstly
, it is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s horizon than
simply
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to jail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young adults in the age of 15-23,
for example
, are unable to define their behaviors are appropriate or not with social norms, they are likely to imitate violence which appears on TV and violate the laws.
Secondly
, the majority of criminal acts are result of poverty and unemployment,
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to carry out is creating more jobs and enhancing the quality of human’s life. If they can do this, the percentage of offenders will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and society becomes safer than ever.

In conclusion
, while imprisonments can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, I believe that other measures that I mention above are
also
necessary.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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