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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 10
Crime is a social phenomena which is extremely dangerous and many countries struggle with it. There are two opposite perspectives for reducing the crime rate and dealing with criminals. Some people argue that giving longer prison sentences helps to decrease the crime rate. However, others suggest that many alternative methods will be effective in dipping the crime rate. From my point of view, the second view is the best for dealing with this problem. So I will discuss those views and share with you many verdicts which emphasize my opinion. On the one hand, many people believe in the strict punishment such as giving longer prison sentences makes criminals afraid of repeating their crimes again. As well as, no body will dare to do any violent acts. For example, the Egyptian government has launched a law which stipulates that twenty- five years sentence for a killer. Actually, after this law, the murders got lower than before. Although, this way can reduce the crime rate but there are other ways which make people do not need to do any crime. On the other hand, regarding the second view, we will reveal the alternative ways. Firstly, providing people with a good education. Undoubtedly well- educated people have high levels of awareness and culture. Secondly, giving people equal opportunities in their social life because that helps people do not feel oppressed. Thirdly, not allowing for any one having a gun is considered a powerful way. Government has to permit it after doing a test for people and following strict procedures. For instance, Japanese shooting rate got the lowest in all over the world because they made having a gun more restricted. In conclusion, using alternative modern ways will be better not only for decreasing the number of crimes but also for prohibiting people to do that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
is a social
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "phenomenon"?
phenomena
which is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries struggle with it. There are two opposite perspectives for reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and dealing with criminals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that giving longer prison sentences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
However
, others suggest that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternative methods will be effective in dipping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. From my point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
is the best for dealing with this problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I will discuss those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
and share with you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
verdicts which emphasize my opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in the strict punishment such as giving longer prison sentences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
criminals afraid of repeating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
again.
As well
as,
Did you mean "nobody"?
no body
will dare to do any violent acts.
For example
, the Egyptian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has launched a law which stipulates that twenty- five years sentence for a killer. Actually, after this law, the murders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lower than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Although, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to do any crime.

On the other hand
, regarding the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, we will reveal the alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
.
Firstly
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education.
Undoubtedly
well- educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have high levels of awareness and culture.
Secondly
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
equal opportunities in their social life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel oppressed.
Thirdly
, not allowing for any one having a gun
is considered
a powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
permit it after doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and following strict procedures.
For instance
, Japanese shooting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the lowest in all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they made having a gun more restricted.

In conclusion
, using alternative modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
will be better not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for decreasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for prohibiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do that.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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