Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is by reducing the maximum speed limits on vehicles others think there are other better ways. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is by reducing the maximum speed limits on vehicles others think there are other better ways. v. 2
Although, it is thought by some individuals that criminal activities is as a result of societal influence and penury, others however, believe its an outcome of inherent traits. In my point of view, I opine that lack of money and societal influence are the determining factors in one's indulging in crime. On the one hand, some group of people suggested that person's involvement in unlawful acts is as a result of interference from social groups such as peer group and I agree. This is because, if an individual interacts with friends who take part in these acts, they are bound to join the bad wagon in other not to feel left out in the group. In addition, pennilessness is also a factor to be taken into account. Considering the economic situation across the globe, and the high rate of unemployment which has left a large proportion of people jobless, many individuals end up engaging in criminal act so as to meet up with their daily requirements. A research carried out by the Nigerian prisons authority showed that, 80% of the inmates sites lack of finance as their major reason for committing crime. On the other hand, another school of thought recommend that illegal acts are borne out of an individual’s genetic make-up. In other words, since the a child’s genetic structure is a combination of traits from both parents, if any of the parents partakes in such illegitimate act there is about 99. 9% possibility that their offspring will exhibit such attributes because, it is already, embedded in congenital traits. For instance, investigation into the life of Dereck Brew, a famous serial killer in New Zealand revealed that his father during his youthful age killed three of his ex-girlfriends, hence his ability to carry out such acts with feeling any iota of regret. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I believe that a people's immediate environment and poor financial state contributes greatly to a persons violation of the law.
Although, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
that criminal activities is
as a result
of societal influence and penury, others
however
, believe
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
an outcome of inherent traits. In my point of view, I opine that lack of money and societal influence are the determining factors in one's indulging in crime.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggested that person's involvement in unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
is
as a result
of interference from social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
such as peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
interacts with friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
, they
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
wagon in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
not to feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pennilessness
is
also
a factor to
be taken
into account. Considering the economic situation across the globe, and the high rate of unemployment which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a large proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
jobless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up engaging in criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with their daily requirements.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
carried out by the Nigerian
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "prisons'" or "prison's"?
prisons
authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, 80% of the inmates sites lack of finance as their major reason for committing crime.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
recommend that illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
are borne
out of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
genetic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, since
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
child’s genetic structure is a combination of traits from both parents, if any of the parents partakes in such illegitimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
there is about 99. 9% possibility that their offspring will exhibit such attributes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it is already, embedded in congenital traits.
For instance
, investigation into the life of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dereck
Brew, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
serial killer in New Zealand revealed that his father during his youthful age killed three of his ex-girlfriends,
hence
his ability to carry out such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
with feeling any iota of regret.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I believe that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's immediate environment and poor financial state contributes
greatly
to a
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
violation of the law.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is by reducing the maximum speed limits on vehicles others think there are other better ways. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts