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Some parents think it is a good idea to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some parents think it is a good idea to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 1
Mobile phones have outgrown to become one of the most emerging technologies of this decade. However, in recent years, there has been an ongoing debate regarding parents giving their children mobile phones, whereas others claim it as the worst decision ever made by parents. From my perspective, I am wholly in favour of the latter for several specific reasons. On the one hand, parents believe that mobile phone access to children provides them with accessibility to accomplish daily tasks. As the schooling system is getting more advanced, most of the assignments and quizzes are uploaded on the online learning system. This process allows children to perform homework activities and participate in discussion forums, easily accessible from their mobile phones. For example, Melbourne High School manages its own learning management system for grade eleven and twelve students, which helps students to access course information, curriculum, and results. Moreover, mobile phones can act as a medium for security purposes for children. When children stay on campus for extended hours or prefer staying at a friend, parents can feel assured of their child’s safety and contact them in case of emergency. Conversely, I would strongly argue that mobile phones do not guarantee children safety if fallen in the wrong hands. The most apparent crimes are related to mobile snatching, which leads to data hacking and misuse of information. Although mobile phones are equipped with security protocols, this does not abstain hackers from eavesdropping information. Other than this, since the birth of social media, mobile phones are the leading cause of social anxiety, cyberbullying and harassment cases amongst children. Social media is the platform where people have the freedom to express their cause, but some misfits use it against others, including children as well. A recent article by a psychologist from Monash University reveals that the percentage of children affected by social media on personal phone is increasing by 5. 6% every year. To sum up, parents want nothing but happiness for their children, therefore, they should also ponder the adverse effects of mobile phone technology in the society other than just focusing on its benefits.
Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have outgrown to become one of the most emerging technologies of this decade.
However
, in recent years, there has been an ongoing debate regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
giving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, whereas others claim it as the worst decision ever made by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. From my perspective, I am wholly in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter for several specific reasons.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
provides them with accessibility to accomplish daily tasks. As the schooling system is getting more advanced, most of the assignments and quizzes
are uploaded
on the online learning system. This process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to perform homework activities and participate in discussion forums,
easily
accessible from their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For example
, Melbourne High School manages its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
learning management system for grade eleven and twelve students, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students to access course information, curriculum, and results.
Moreover
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can act as a medium for security purposes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay on campus for extended hours or prefer staying at a friend,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can feel assured of their child’s safety and contact them in case of emergency.

Conversely
, I would
strongly
argue that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
do not guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
safety if fallen in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands. The most apparent crimes
are related
to mobile snatching, which leads to data hacking and misuse of information. Although mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are equipped
with security protocols, this does not abstain hackers from eavesdropping information.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
than this, since the birth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are the leading cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
anxiety, cyberbullying and harassment cases amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
media is the platform where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the freedom to express their cause,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misfits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it against others, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
. A recent article by a psychologist from Monash University reveals that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media on personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is increasing by 5. 6% every year.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
happiness for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
therefore
, they should
also
ponder the adverse effects of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
technology in the society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focusing on its benefits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think it is a good idea to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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